Not an impostor
Sep. 10th, 2013 01:56 amSo late last week, I was cc:ed on an email which contained the following:
"If there's anything else we need in terms of logistics, [Azz] is fantastic at managing these sorts of things, and has plenty of experience in getting everything done."
And I looked at it and I expected to feel that surge of mixed pride and trepidation: the one where you look at someone's positive description of you and feel like it's everything you want to be, but those are some mighty big shoes and you feel like nothing so much as a very small child playing dress-up with full-sized grownup finery.
I didn't feel it. I felt pleased, and honored, and recognized, but not in the way where I compare myself to someone else's vision of me and come up feeling inferior to the awesome person they have clearly constructed out of stuff and nonsense in their head.
Somewhere between April and now, I've gained the experience and the confidence in my experience. April and May were some pretty big months, and it took a lot out of me, but now that I have a basic idea what I'm doing on that front, as long as there's someone steering the ship --
This feels really good.
"If there's anything else we need in terms of logistics, [Azz] is fantastic at managing these sorts of things, and has plenty of experience in getting everything done."
And I looked at it and I expected to feel that surge of mixed pride and trepidation: the one where you look at someone's positive description of you and feel like it's everything you want to be, but those are some mighty big shoes and you feel like nothing so much as a very small child playing dress-up with full-sized grownup finery.
I didn't feel it. I felt pleased, and honored, and recognized, but not in the way where I compare myself to someone else's vision of me and come up feeling inferior to the awesome person they have clearly constructed out of stuff and nonsense in their head.
Somewhere between April and now, I've gained the experience and the confidence in my experience. April and May were some pretty big months, and it took a lot out of me, but now that I have a basic idea what I'm doing on that front, as long as there's someone steering the ship --
This feels really good.