Green bean casserole

Taken from a magazine page that's been stuck to the refrigerator for a while, but I don't think we've actually made it. This is going in here so I can toss the paper.

1 onion, thinly sliced
butter / etc
2 lbs green beans in their final form
(1 lb button mushrooms, cleaned and sliced)
3 tablespoons starch (arrowroot, tapioca)
1 1/2 cups chicken or vegetable stock
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
salt & seasonings to taste

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Sage rice dressing

gluten free, pepper free, allium free

Make a batch of mixed wild rice in a 6 cup rice cooker, adding a small can of mushrooms and one stick thinly sliced celery. Use the finger-slicer (mandoline)
Use chicken stock as the liquid, make sure it is free of alliums and pepper if that's a concern for your audience.
Include a fat
Add sage, thyme, rosemary, marjoram
(If not pepper-free, you might be able to use poultry seasoning.)
Stir and serve.

Roasting the Fucking Turkey

Select your turkey. Consider how much turkey you need, based on number of omnivores, roaster size, refrigerator size, time remaining until T-Day, thaw time, and, and I cannot stress this enough, local physical strength.

Do not buy a turkey so large that you have to team-lift it. Do not buy a turkey so large that you might be unable to lift it while it's hot with a roasting unit full of scalding juices. Or merely raw and ready to contaminate anything it touches.

1 turkey. Note the weight on the sales label, and write it down prominently. Look at bag for any helpful tips, like plastic shit we need to remove.
Calculate the roasting time by turkey weight. Check the Butterball website if confused. Working backwards from serving time, put the roast time in your calendar for Thanksgiving day.

https://www.butterball.com/calculators-conversions

Calculate the thaw time, in days. Consult the Butterball website if in any doubt. Working backwards from an hour before your roasting start time on Thanksgiving morning (early), set a calendar event to start the thaw.
Clear the lowest shelf of the refrigerator. Thaw in a pan that is hopefully larger than the bird to catch any stray drips. This does not need to be the same pan as you intend for the roasting process. If possible, it should be in the bottom of the fridge so there is no chance it can drip on anything, particularly on your salad or any other thing that might not be cooked to a poultry-safe temperature.

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