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azurelunatic: melting chocolate teapot (418)
I screwed up some perfectly good soup tonight, but it's at least edible to me. I had two bowls.

I started from this recipe for bean and bacon soup but lost the plot a bit. Mostly by letting it run too dry and letting the layer at the bottom scorch.

Read more... )

Unfortunately I'm probably the only one who will consider it food due to the scorching, but that's okay. I have two bowls in the freezer and one for tomorrow, and some leftover bacon pieces.

I intend to try again eventually.
azurelunatic: stick figure about to hit potato w/ flaming tennis racket, near jug of gasoline & sack of potatoes (bad idea)
[livejournal.com profile] gameboyguy13 came home from Vegas (yay AF! I'm glad it went so well for you guys this year!) and since airplanes and trains on the same day are cranky-making, and also since [livejournal.com profile] ursamajor and [livejournal.com profile] hyounpark were in town, it was as good as any for an excuse to meet up and have fun. (More on that later.)

Since I am a heretic who doesn't believe in breakfast food, and I also have the disconcerting habit of eating nearly the same thing almost every day for weeks on end, it was necessary to get things such as cereal and milk for the JD. (I also don't suffer lactose well.) I also picked up a half-dozen spicy Italian sausages, on the grounds that hey, I do like sausage. (JD was not a taker as there had been many too many hot dogs in his recent past, plus, he was still suffering from the effects of overindulgence in spirits on the previous day.) (On the way out of the Trader Joe's parking lot, I identified my aunt's SUV by its license plate, and waved like crazy. This doesn't happen often.)

Upon getting up in the morning and deciding it might be time for breakfast, yeah, I decided to start the sausages, and dumped them in the frying pan and turned it on. (It was turned on high.) I promptly forgot to turn it to low, but assumed that I had, because I'd meant to, and skittered for the bathroom to See To Female Needs and put on some clothings.

The Female Needs were rather more ... dire ... than I'd thought, and required cleaning products as well as feminine products. I started to smell something that might be the sausages, and scurried through the rest of the cleanup and threw my nightgown back on rather than bother dressing and raced back to the kitchen.

Happly, there were no flames. However, the sausages in the frying pan had begun to billow alarming amounts of smoke. JD was still happily immersed in his computer, and hadn't noticed a thing. As I rather hurriedly told JD to open the door, not that one, the glass one, the smoke alarm went off.

I stood there in my faded and ink-spotted pink nightgown, working the front door like a bellows to clear the worst of the sausage smoke from the apartment, the smoke alarm still blaring, JD jumping at the smoke detector, fanning at it, wearing his glasses and a pair of boxers. Someone, I believe my upstairs neighbor, popped around and asked whether everything was all right.

It was, I assured him, and "just a sausage incident."

JD, in plain view of the door, turned colors.

Once the smoke cleared, I finished cooking the sausages. They were tasty, aside from the burned bits.
azurelunatic: a modification of the Oxidizer hazard label reading 'Caution Flaming Asshole'  (flaming)
A few nights ago, either late or early, I decided to make myself some toasted English muffins with cheese.

Sometime in the past little while, the sheet of aluminum foil in the toaster oven disappeared, perhaps because it had already seen a few too many droplets of over-toasted cheese. In my infinite wisdom, I did not see fit to replace it before toasting my cheesy muffins.

The toaster dinged merrily after a few minutes, and I wandered over to retrieve my prize -- and found to my everlasting shock that the interior of my toaster oven was merrily blazing away!

Some of the cheese had dripped on the metal piece covering the heating element, and lo and behold, the cheese started flaming away like a despot's oil well in the face of an invading force.

I extinguished my toaster oven and retrieved my muffin. (The muffin was still edible.)

I can cook. I can cook.
Sometimes the kitchen just doesn't like me. Now that the cheese has been scraped off the inside of the toaster oven, it does operate perfectly nicely.

Link, Soup

Nov. 5th, 2005 07:00 am
azurelunatic: Rock in the sea, captioned "stationed forever on a far-distant rock" (Housewife's Lament)
Toilet. Large carnivorous lizard. No injuries!

[livejournal.com profile] pornish_pixies: "About Face" -- Harry/Draco. Crackfic.

[livejournal.com profile] fryadvocate writes "The Best Part of Breaking Up" -- Barbie, Ken, et cetera. Crackfic.

[livejournal.com profile] underpope spawns "Braiding the Monkey" as a new phrase (or euphemism) of dubious meaning.


Last night I turned off the soup and put it in containers in the refrigerator. It had started to stick to the sides in the most disconcerting way. I do not think that I have the spare time it takes to properly tend a perpetual soup! Not at the moment. I am still not sure how many hours I am working tomorrow. For that matter, I'm still not sure how much I'll be working today...
azurelunatic: Stone relief of Enki creating rivers. "Wank me a RIVER" (wank me a river)
After work, I stopped by the store, really to take advantage of the sale on area rugs (to save me precious deposit money later), but I got distracted by the pizza. So I brought home some frozen pizza. This will be great, I thought. I can stick the pizza in the oven, take a shower, eat my pizza and read LJ, then go straight to bed. So I came home, put away groceries, hauled the pizza stone out of the bottom drawer of the stove (it's the model that hasn't got a broiler below the oven, but a storage drawer instead), and that's where the presence of blue mold on the pizza stone should have clued me in as to how the rest of it was going to go. I should have given the whole thing up as a bad job and gone to bed. But no, I had to decide that I wanted pizza, dammit, and I wanted it now. I cleaned the pizza stone, preheated the oven, and carefully arranged the pizza on the stone while I waited for the oven to warm up...

My conversation with [livejournal.com profile] wibbble some half an hour later recounts the subsequent sequence of events fairly decently. (Edited for relevance & clarity.)

[livejournal.com profile] wibbble: I saw your post, and was considering if it would be wise to enquire further...
[livejournal.com profile] azurelunatic: Pizza, preheating oven. You can imagine what happened?
[livejournal.com profile] wibbble: Not so much with the 'pre' heating, as with the 'over' heating, leading to 'burning'?
[livejournal.com profile] azurelunatic: Worse/better. Note the "brand new" modifier.
[livejournal.com profile] wibbble: It needed to be broken in?
[livejournal.com profile] azurelunatic: ... What does one find inside brand-new, never-been-used, never-been-opened cookers?
[livejournal.com profile] wibbble: Bit of cardboard and plastic crap. Instruction manuals. If you're especially unfortunately, expanded polystyrene foam.
[livejournal.com profile] azurelunatic: I note in passing that it's deuced hard to RTFM when it's on fire.
[livejournal.com profile] azurelunatic: Read The Flaming Manual, perhaps.
[livejournal.com profile] wibbble: Read the Smouldering Remains of the Manual.
[livejournal.com profile] azurelunatic: No, the actual manual did not catch fire. It sounds funnier that way, though. It was actually just the little cardboard insert between the heating element and the floor of the oven. But that was bad enough. So when I opened it up to put the pizza in, I wound up doing the Unhappy Dance Of Juggling Pizza And Smouldering Paper Products.
[livejournal.com profile] azurelunatic: and the dance of OMFG It's On Fire.
[livejournal.com profile] azurelunatic: And the dance of OMFG It's 11:30PM And I Can't Let The Smoke Alarm Go Off.
[livejournal.com profile] azurelunatic: Which is directly related to the thing where I don't want my neighbors to kill me...
[livejournal.com profile] azurelunatic: So. Now that I've verified that I have an oven, and also verified that I really need to avoid putting the pizza stone away wet next time (good job I'm not allergic to penicillin), I can start cooking the pizza...

The pizza was, eventually, good. But probably not worth things catching on fire. D'oh.

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