This is the song to sing when sneaking down the back hallway from the bathroom to the bedroom while inadequately clothed.

The tune can be anything you like, or no tune at all. But the Colonel Bogey March is probably a good choice.

The words are very simple: you repeat "Sneak!" for as long as you are scurrying half-naked. Then, once you've reached the safety of your room and pulled the door to conceal yourself, you finish the song with a flourish: "SNUCK!"

Did lunch with hcolleen after she got home. Went shopping. I need more groceries than she does because I eat in more than out. She only eats in if she has to. Groceries needed today: chicken, lunch meat, applesauce, pseudo-butter-inna-tub. Added to the list: Pepsi. For a redhead must have her caffeine in the morning.

There was a pretty calico cart-guy when we finished. Well, sort of calico, if you count hair that is mostly black, with red and gold spots here and there. Does that count as calico? In any case, pretty. That spawned off a discussion of cats and chickens. I miss Xiao Ji and my Calico/Raver-Girl.

Does anyone know of an .mp3 player that meets the following specifications?

• Holds 2 gigs or more
• Displays track information while the song is playing (the whole time)
• Takes over-the-counter batteries (AA or AAA or something like that)
• Reasonably sized
• Reasonably priced (less than $250 to be sure; with any good luck, less than $200)
• Can be carried around in a purse, bag, or pocket without unreasonable risk of being damaged
• Can be carried around in a purse, bag, or pocket without being turned on by accident (hold switch doesn't cut it)
• Actually exists

If so, my roommate would like to know about it and where to buy it.

One of my poor spr0t channel buddies is dealing with a brand-new-roommate Of Doom. Everything the poor girl does is "too loud", so since she is Very Bad About Sticking Up For Herself, she is huddled with the radio at a whisper, taking detailed and extensive notes on the Noise Nazi Roommate's screaming-angst cellphone conversation. Which is perfectly audible through the paper-thin doors. Have advised said buddy that if the Noise Nazi is going to enforce Quiet that strongly, it should be handed right back to her. And in honor of the occasion, I have written some Doggerel:

Look at the dishes stacked up in the sink
I wish I could wash them; they're starting to stink
They're all bloody hers, you think you got it rough
I can't turn on the water, and I sure can't touch her stuff.

Chorus:
I got the passive-aggressive roommate blues
She won't shut up so I'll take it out on you
Breathing is too loud, and I can't watch the tube
I got the passive-aggressive roommate blues.

Her buddies are calling in the dark of the night
They pound at the window and give me a fright
If my friends come over any time in the day
She starts up the yelling and sends them away.

If I'm shutting the door, she'll say it's a slam
If I'm making some toast, she's allergic to jam
If I'm drinking some water, the pressure's on me
Housing board are sadists and they won't let me leave.

I know all about her love life, I can't help but hear
The thumping and moaning comes through so clear
Air duct acoustics are really obscene
A phone post on "public" would really be mean...

Walking inside, it's no pretty sight
At least this time she's got his name right
I check my webcam and it's rolling away
They're live on the 'net -- what will the Dean say!

I got the passive-aggressive roommate blues
She didn't shut up, so I blew my fuse
Don't pick fights with the geek, 'cause you'll always lose
I got the passive-aggressive roommate blues
Oh I got the passive-aggressive roo-hoo-hooom-mate bluuuuuuues!