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Jun. 16th, 2002
Introspection, early-morning
Jun. 16th, 2002 12:40 pmI was really out of it, writing my last public entry. I started it very depressed, unhappy, disgruntled with the world and especially myself. Playing Bejeweled really makes me think things through. I don't think I got even 1/50 of what I was considering down on the screen; that's mostly OK, because those are adequate bookmarks for what I was tracking around.
Who'd have thought that my massive crushes were intimately related to my swapoff introversion? It makes sense, now that I think about it. Put aside for the moment the question of why Darkside fits, or has been fitted, so well to my sensibilities when searching for a primary partner. I want someone as intensely retiring as myself, someone who won't mind when I prefer to spend my time at home quiet and alone...
But why fix on one person for adoration? That's the burning question of the moment. Perhaps that the person I love is worthy of nothing less. I've got so much love, so much brainpower, so much focus and will. I need someone who can withstand my Will, its full unadulterated power. It makes sense to test them out before actually devoting myself to them. Which doesn't make sense; when I engage someone with my Will full-power, it's not pretend. So, it makes sense for me to engage my Will in someone who's not at the time returning it, to see if they can withstand it. Practically, though, this means that I've got to reconfigure my "falling in love" module, because that just doesn't work.
That's ... hm.
Re-analyzing.
Who'd have thought that my massive crushes were intimately related to my swapoff introversion? It makes sense, now that I think about it. Put aside for the moment the question of why Darkside fits, or has been fitted, so well to my sensibilities when searching for a primary partner. I want someone as intensely retiring as myself, someone who won't mind when I prefer to spend my time at home quiet and alone...
But why fix on one person for adoration? That's the burning question of the moment. Perhaps that the person I love is worthy of nothing less. I've got so much love, so much brainpower, so much focus and will. I need someone who can withstand my Will, its full unadulterated power. It makes sense to test them out before actually devoting myself to them. Which doesn't make sense; when I engage someone with my Will full-power, it's not pretend. So, it makes sense for me to engage my Will in someone who's not at the time returning it, to see if they can withstand it. Practically, though, this means that I've got to reconfigure my "falling in love" module, because that just doesn't work.
That's ... hm.
Re-analyzing.
slip/sliding
Jun. 16th, 2002 04:04 pmRituals revert to those seen in childhood, practiced. Pure white quartz pebbles, painted for the rite; clad in folded quilt and the square of material in the color of the office.
Perhaps slid away from reality, but entering a world at once younger and senior.
Perhaps slid away from reality, but entering a world at once younger and senior.
so it must be.
Jun. 16th, 2002 04:31 pmIt must be to then that I revert, recall a simplicity of thought patterns. Magic of the strawberries; the old fairy call. The stern scolding of the detatched uncle detatches me more, fading. Always a background shadow, nothing more meant to be.
Carrots, eaten. Trash, taken out. Eyeshadow, applied. Pill, swallowed. Adam, called.
Indolent puss on the mattress by the windowsill; he watches the laundry go home. Whose magic listens to he?
Carrots, eaten. Trash, taken out. Eyeshadow, applied. Pill, swallowed. Adam, called.
Indolent puss on the mattress by the windowsill; he watches the laundry go home. Whose magic listens to he?
A Seasonal Carol
Jun. 16th, 2002 07:55 pmTis the season for gestation
fa la la la la, la-la la la.
Prepare for infant infestation.
Fa la la la la, la-la la la.
Don we now our matron's clothing
fa la la la-la la la la la
Morning sickness fear and loathing
Fa la la la la, la-la la la!
So it seems like a bazillion of my friends/acquaintances are either pregnant, planning to be, or some such thing. DC's due to give birth any day now. Chick and Dude are expecting. The Llittlest Llama is lloping right allong. There are assorted other squeakings in the wings. I'm wondering what Narcissa and River are up to. That would be bizarre, to cuddle a baby with some combination of his genes and hers.
fa la la la la, la-la la la.
Prepare for infant infestation.
Fa la la la la, la-la la la.
Don we now our matron's clothing
fa la la la-la la la la la
Morning sickness fear and loathing
Fa la la la la, la-la la la!
So it seems like a bazillion of my friends/acquaintances are either pregnant, planning to be, or some such thing. DC's due to give birth any day now. Chick and Dude are expecting. The Llittlest Llama is lloping right allong. There are assorted other squeakings in the wings. I'm wondering what Narcissa and River are up to. That would be bizarre, to cuddle a baby with some combination of his genes and hers.
Bedtime Stories: Rehash
Jun. 16th, 2002 09:39 pmTonight I told Nephew the tale of the two princes, the magician, and the magic bugs that were better than honey bees. Oh yes, and those troublesome cats.
...You see, when the magician was picking out the prettiest of the magic bugs to show to the oldest prince, he'd not been careful, and the cats opened the bug cages, and the bugs got ALL OVER the castle. So the oldest prince and the youngest prince and the magician started running around and catching all the bugs -- and THEN, there was a knock on the door! Who do you think it was? It was the king and queen, home early!
...Yeah, very familiar story, definitely. Especially when the police come from another kingdom to take the magician away, and the oldest prince refuses to let them take the magician away.
Last time, in the car coming home from the renfaire, I retold The Warrior's Apprentice. Darkside raised eyebrows and said the story sounded familiar somehow, with that note to his voice that told me that he knew exactly where it was from, and found it very amusing that I was getting Nephew hooked on the series so very young.
...You see, when the magician was picking out the prettiest of the magic bugs to show to the oldest prince, he'd not been careful, and the cats opened the bug cages, and the bugs got ALL OVER the castle. So the oldest prince and the youngest prince and the magician started running around and catching all the bugs -- and THEN, there was a knock on the door! Who do you think it was? It was the king and queen, home early!
...Yeah, very familiar story, definitely. Especially when the police come from another kingdom to take the magician away, and the oldest prince refuses to let them take the magician away.
Last time, in the car coming home from the renfaire, I retold The Warrior's Apprentice. Darkside raised eyebrows and said the story sounded familiar somehow, with that note to his voice that told me that he knew exactly where it was from, and found it very amusing that I was getting Nephew hooked on the series so very young.
My old friend Shawn recommended the movie The Boondock Saints to me; the other evening over at Adam's new place, we watched it.
That's one trippy movie. Shawn's good taste in media remains undisputed. I like the way that the one guy gets very into his job, with the very accurate speculation. The action bits are.. well. And then the new addition to the ... well. And the little bit that falls off...
I'm going to have to watch it again before I can come to any sort of conclusion about other than:
a) That was really fucking trippy
b) I like it.
In other news, the stuff on the website of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bibble, especially the 4 am musing piece, is nifty and interesting and good to listen to.
That's one trippy movie. Shawn's good taste in media remains undisputed. I like the way that the one guy gets very into his job, with the very accurate speculation. The action bits are.. well. And then the new addition to the ... well. And the little bit that falls off...
I'm going to have to watch it again before I can come to any sort of conclusion about other than:
a) That was really fucking trippy
b) I like it.
In other news, the stuff on the website of
bibble, especially the 4 am musing piece, is nifty and interesting and good to listen to.Bread (reprise)
Jun. 16th, 2002 09:52 pmWell, it's done. It's rather more sweet than I would have thought. It's also far more dense, as the yeast and I didn't get on too well. It still tastes good, though, especially with butter.
Going to crash pretty soon, as there is school tomorrow, and the dark side of my dreams will be expecting me.
Going to crash pretty soon, as there is school tomorrow, and the dark side of my dreams will be expecting me.
This song's become one of my favorites, my most magical. Why? It hit me at a very special time of life, sixteen, seventeen, the days when the whole world's lined up waiting to see which way you'll bounce next, where each day is a day where you've got the choice of letting blue sparks leak out through your fingertips, or bouncing off the ceiling.
yes, that was a very valid choice for me, ever since middle school. I took pleasure in walking down the halls trailing blue sparks out the fingertips that no one else could see, knowing that I could fly, should I choose to...
This has also become a song symbolic of Darkside. Darkside, my TV expert... how could this not be him? It's a magic all its own, and the tie-in with him is making it even stronger.
yes, that was a very valid choice for me, ever since middle school. I took pleasure in walking down the halls trailing blue sparks out the fingertips that no one else could see, knowing that I could fly, should I choose to...
This has also become a song symbolic of Darkside. Darkside, my TV expert... how could this not be him? It's a magic all its own, and the tie-in with him is making it even stronger.
CTY dreaming
Jun. 16th, 2002 10:28 pmMoments like this, Bejeweled and R.E.M., are when I know that only Josh can understand where I'm coming from. It's something deeper than any of my current new friends can dig into. Not as ancient a magic as the things from my childhood, but something specific to those days of CTY and missing it. R.E.M. triggers it; so do TMBG ("It's So Loud In Here" is excellent for the feeling) ... any canon song, or one that should be canon.
Why?
It's floating. Floating, falling, sweet intoxication. Something about that minor progression of chords that does it to me. The songs that should be played so loud you fear for hearing damnage...
Why?
It's floating. Floating, falling, sweet intoxication. Something about that minor progression of chords that does it to me. The songs that should be played so loud you fear for hearing damnage...