Whee!

(Somewhat belatedly)

Yay for my name-twin! Yay 'plan g'!

Darkside called *back*?

This is one for the books.

Wow.

I called him last night; he called back this morning around 10:15, right when Votania was leaving.

Evidently he sounded ... dark.

Planning for the Holidays

We may or may not be invited to spend some of the holidays with Dawn. Cool. She's got to clear it with Dave first, though.

Things, Getting Done

• Dishes


• Random Tidying


• Ordered, finally, the certificate from the ULC


• Scheduled fixing of teeth, part I of VI

Need to:

• Read systems analysis book, chapters 1-3


• Print out SA notes


• Finish management homework


• Read Code Complete


• Schedule a time to sit down and have a Talk


• Schedule seeing of Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets


• Reschedule game


• Make everything good schedulewise with the holidays


• Decide whether we're throwing a Solstice bash or not

Oh yeah.

Fix Red.

I'm thinking it may be that funky thing with the power supply, because the fan's not even coming on.

*sigh*

Haven't been feeling particularly good lately. Part of it is the cold, and the other part's the unconfronted issues building up.

We're all perfectionists in our own merry little ways, and not all of us (OK, none of us) are great at communicating.

I don't want to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and set off something that I didn't know was there, or that bad. Lately, when I say anything that's been an issue, it seems like it triggers a meltdown, and it always feels as if I've said it at the exact wrong time, hurting more than healing. I tend to leave things until they must be said... and points I feel would be good to say them at are the wrong points. The exact wrong points.

So I say nothing. Again. Not even to myself.

I've become very good at not talking to myself. I'm trying to become better, but sometimes I still lack the self-confidence to do so. It doesn't help that I feel like I've gone through a rough divorce, and that my beloved best friend is not good at the communication thing, no matter how many times I reach out and want to talk to him, it's only rarely that he returns the contact in any way...

I want things to be done right, and I have problems when things are being done in a way I consider wrong, or even if I know that there's a better way to do things. Efficiency, gotta love it. Even though I'm hardly the model of it.

I have hard times interacting with other people. The closer someone is to me, the easier it is to understand why they do the things they do, how it is that they can think the way they do; by understanding, things don't irritate me half as much once I understand why.

The further someone is from me, the more likely I am to get grouchy with them for being unorthodox to the natural flow of things in any given area.

When someone avoids me, it says to me that they don't like me, don't like spending time with me. Especially if they're close to me, or have been close to me in the past: they should know that while I'm introverted to the vast majority of the population, I need human contact, and get far worse if left alone. Talking to me may be out of the question, and in fact may be the absolute wrong thing, but coming physically near in silence is a good way to let me know that if I need someone, you're there, and you're not saying that just as an empty politeness. Saying you're there for me with your voice but not with your body says that you're not there, not all the way, not so I can trust you.

Communication

When one person doesn't communicate back to me, that gives me the feeling that I'm not worth spending the time to communicate with. Fucked-up, yeah. When someone doesn't want to hug me, that doesn't tell me that they've got issues about hugging, it says that I'm not worth hugging.

I tend to pile other people's problems upon myself, in addition to my own. Everybody else has things fairly well together. The only person with issues is me.

Shawn never had any problems, you see. I was the one who was terminally messed up.

(no subject)

When I think that someone is a terminal prick and I don't want to have anything to do with them, I find that I will make excuses involving my own issues, so as not to offend the other party. It's not them, it's me. Even when it is them.

Sometimes I even believe it.

English

AJ is evidently signed up for this class. Hope he shows. That would surely liven class up...

Mr. Wright said hi, and hi to Darkside, and inquired after him.

I'm going to bring tea to class with me more often.

Lovely.

I'm not particularly fond of marxdarx's mother right now.

The situation is this:

marxdarx's grandparents are having a Thanksgiving dinner, to which Marx and votania and Nephew are invited. Marx's mother has refused to invite me.

First of all, invitation to this function should be left up to the actual hosts. Second, Marx was operating under the impression that he was bringing his whole household.

Evidently my first impression on Marx's mother and her boyfriend was when I was reading Psybermagic for the first time: giggling in delight and glee at the things I found on those pages. Evidently, giggling glee is Right Out as emotions go in Marx's mother's house.

So... I have enemies. That may not be the way they choose to phrase it, and Marx has been diplomatically careful to avoid that word, but seeing the way Marx's mother treats her own son, I am assured that she is my enemy.