just kill me now or something

Not going well. Bah. I'm a user. I have no business taking a Secondary when I have no active Primary.

Why yes...

... I am a drama queen.

And a journalist.

And very, very fucked up.

Again... Bob is right.

http://www.angryflower.com/plural.gif

Morning

Woke up, got dressed, brushed hair, read comments, read journal, ate breakfast, went to school, took Management test.

Winged some of it.

Walked home, heard from votania that elance had called to cancel our hangout date. Wished votania and marxdarx fun at the Teddy Bears' Picnic event at kindergarten, which was what they were headed off to.

Called elance; talked about moving out and how it could be worse, for material for discussion with parents. I moved out of my parents' house at 19, with a fiance and another roommate, and was pretty much running the household. Next moved into the Bachelor Apartment from Hell, with five people there total in a 2-bedroom apartment. Much fun, yeah. All of the other roommates were indoor smokers of cigars, did I mention that? And male. And not very many of them tidy. Like, mold in a pot. Seriously.

Anyone moving from home at 22 in with an older married couple who already know how to run a household in at least relatively shipshape condition... piece of cake.

Strength

I recently startled ralmathon by picking him up and spinning him around before putting him down again. He's not used to people picking him up, especially not women. He's taller than I am, and likely weighs 200 pounds or more. He's taller than I am, and solidly built: the sort of guy that kids climb and bounce on without much risk of him collapsing.

As an adult, I've never thought of myself as particularly strong. Sure, I can carry marxdarx with relative ease: he's thin! He's a toothpick! He's tiny! I can pick up votania in a hug and spin her around a couple times. I can haul most small furniture by myself. (small = no larger than a standard couch) But can't everyone?

votania and the Viking agree, much to my surprise, that I'm about as strong as a man. I learned this when the Viking was teaching me the basics of fistfighting.

I tend not to regard anything I do as exceptional, and am surprised when other people can't do things I regard as normal. The phrase "You mean not everybody can..." was a recurring theme from my childhood.

Strength Again

I prefer that any man I'm romantically involved with be stronger than I am. I think this relates to my being submissive in my relationships with men: if they're going to be in charge, they'd damn well have the physical strength to back it up.

*sigh*

I scare off friends with intensity.

Measures of Intensity

Written, I'm much less intense than I am in person. In person, if I'm energized, if I'm on, I'm very upfront, loud, giggly, and concentrated. This scares some people off, or appears to.

Text-only, you can tune down the loudness, because I don't scream in caps. My voice in person has 7+ years of singing behind it, a year of theatre, and gods knows how much in arcane training. I'm schooled in making ordinary conversation audible to the entire room.

Text-only, I'm bound to think of my words beforehand.

Text-only, I don't put my foot in my mouth half as often.

Text-only, I'm forced to put impulses through my brain before acting on them.

Concentration of Intensity

If there's someone who I've got a very thick, multilayered relationship with, the less I see them, the more intense the times I do see them are.

It's the CTY principle. You have to fit a high school year of experience into three weeks. Can we do it? Hell yeah, but it's going to be intense as holy motherfuck.

I see Darkside once a month if I'm lucky. I have to fit all the stuff that would have normally happened every morning at school into that one segment of a few hours. I have half-decent compression algorithms, but it's still intense. It's more intense. It would have been intense anyway, but it would have been a lot of being goofy interspersed with a few moments of intensity here and there.

Same for other people. Intensity. I can be relatively mellow day-to-day, if you get to see me. But when you see me once, for a short bit, I'm... concentrated. Like Miles. Only taller.

Joke of the Week:

From Nephew:

"Foot fat toilet."



It's a kindergarten thing, I think.

Things that offend me:

Pagans who are unwilling to believe that there is such a person as a Christian who will not give you hell about your religion if it is different from theirs.

The one fellow within my social circle who exibits this attitude... it was his smug "You just wait and see" attitude when I mentioned two specific examples of the nice variety. I resent the idea that he thinks that my best friend will someday turn from a quiet, soft-spoken, gentlemanly, polite, and gentle man into a flaming idiot with nothing better to do than to give me hell because I am too much of a control freak and too responsible to lay the weight of my fuckups upon the shoulders of another.

If Jesus the Christ did not exist then, my arcane background tells me that with the weight of faith there now upon him, He certainly does now. It's not really faith when you know something. I just think that each of us is a potential Christ, a potential bearer of the cross, a potential holder of joy in knowledge, potentially disillusioned about human nature, having seen the good and the bad...

Knowing this, how can I get pissy with someone who has the same quiet knowledge, and has done something differently with it, and is respecting my space and my faiths? That's merely one of the bits of things in my mind; all the religions I've been exposed to, all the textbooks both holy and secular, all add to my understanding of the way things are, and I attempt to not diminish that, and thereby diminish myself, by deliberately snipping my knowledge to fit any given worldview. I can't help cropping a little to fit it all in my head, but I'm willing to live with conflicting ideas until I can figure out what makes the conflicts resolve themselves, or at least know where the conflicts lie, and what to do to avoid bluescreening when they interact.

Ahh, what a lovely day...

Reading Penny Arcade's news for today led me to my current music, which is bloody brilliant. I've had enough fun listening to gamers that I appreciate a bit of music that's pretty much the same thing, mixed and with a techno flavour...

Happy family day

Today has been excellent so far. Helped with laundry some. We are rearranging furniture, and the current project involves putting the fish and turtle tanks on the counter between the kitchen and the living room.

It's good.

I got some household supplies, including photo frames. All shall be good.

Oh, right.

Gave votania a facial with the green mud, after marxdarx did her nails. While the goop was drying, he massaged her feet.

Something about the energy around here has shifted, and it's a good thing.

...Seriously...

Is Mercury doing something interesting? Or something? Because I'm suddenly getting all deep and communicative, and then this afternoon there were floods of comments flying back and forth... what's in the air?

Communication

56 comments so far today. I went through the trash and counted them. How odd.

Amber says it's Mercury. Just came out of retrograde.

58.

Yeah, I'll say.

Fudgemuffins, it's SuperBowl weekend

Two years ago I was assigned to watch the media event by the business teacher, for the commercials.

The guys were having a superbowl party, so I sat in my chair with my laptop and my headphones, and when a commercial came on, I'd pull off the headphones and watch, and then go back to the computer when the game came back on.

It was instructive.

Geeks... gods, why am I one?

So, how do you know if your computer's pregnant?

( I swear I didn't mean to think of this. )

That was fun!

digitalambience stopped by. I haven't seen him in the longest time. He's taking a Linux/Unix class on Saturdays. Severe geek city.

I did terrify him off, though, with a wrongly-phrased mention of cactus-face.

You see, when you've got a fistful of push-pins, and you stick them out like brass knuckles only cactus knuckles, and you taunt your boyfriend that you'll give him cactus-face, and he makes mock-terrified noises, and you say, "Aww, what's the matter? You give that to me from the other end..."

Meaning, of course, that he dishes out the cactus-face with his prickly stubble every time we smooch and he hasn't shaved....

...but it just sounded wrong. So digitalambience left.


He did get to say hi to shammash, though. That was cool. 'Mash misses him.

Administrative:

Added kellinator just 'cause she's cool. Got added back. Hiya! I hope to enjoy your journal; I hope you'll enjoy mine.