azurelunatic: funny t-shirt: "I am a bomb technician: if you see me running, try to keep up." (bomb tech)
I've loved this shirt ever since I first saw it, even though I'm not a bomb tech. I finally found a copy of a pic with it in the summer of 2007 (June, July) and put it away in ScrapBook where I could always find it.

I figured I might as well icon it, today.

(For DW people, there are some LJ-only posts in the past couple days; I was testing some stuff.)
azurelunatic: A red apple with a bite out of it, captioned in Star Trek font "What no-win scenario?" (what no-win scenario)
I decided on my way back from the movie that I needed this icon. [personal profile] helens78 saw that, and kindly obliged. :D
azurelunatic: (_modhat)
New icon, keyword _modhat. I have been wanting, for a while, an icon to represent when I'm not just flaunting my status (like the Suggestions Queen icon), but actually speaking with all authority of my status. And I've been wanting it with an actual physical hat on me. This icon is the eventual result.

This stars me, a little more lipstick than I usually wear, my purple hat, its many buttons (among them "I don't do 'Normal'", "Coffee's not working. Get the jumper cables!", and "I feel pretty, witty, and gay"), the mirror on the door of the closet in my kitchen (I'll have to do a photo tour of the apartment after everything is all set up), my happy little camera, the necklace that doesn't come off, The GIMP, and a font inspired by a source that some of you may recognize.

When I use this icon in [ profile] suggestions or [ profile] note_to_cat, I mean srs bzns.

I have had this hat since ... can it have been 1992? 1994? It was either a trip to Anchorage when I came back with green jeans and two sleeveless shirts, or it was a trip to Sears where I got a rainbow-corded belt and the hat. It had less bend to it then, and didn't have an orange paint stain. The hat saw me through high school, when I started pinning assorted buttons to it. You could sometimes tell the sort of mood I was in, by what was on the Hat. People started calling me "Joan of the Purple Hat" (as an alternative to "Pen Lady", for the pens hanging from the single beaded strand of hair). I was me. I had the hat. I had a status. I was recognizable, if not categorizable.

Mama was not exactly upset that I kept it, after the paint, but not happy that I was choosing to hang on to ruined clothing. I didn't care. It was my hat, my purple hat, and a little orange paint was not going to make me throw it out.

It's collected different buttons, over the years. I should probably review them and swap them out. It's battered and the wire in the rim has different little crimps and wobbles, but it's my hat.
azurelunatic: #lj_s OMG WTF LOL <3 (#lj_s)
I love #lj_s so very much. So very, very much. I am going through a very difficult patch right now, and the sheer cheer and dubious sanity contained within this channel and its satellite channel(s) and associated PM(s) ... I need only idle in there and read to be entertained and delighted.

I've been needing an IRC icon for a while, so tonight I took the GIMP and decided to play around with layers and transparency a bit. I'm enjoying the results.

Bonus points for identifying the very background-most image. (Anyone who was in #lj_s when I clued channel in, sorry, you get no points, because I told you.)
azurelunatic: LJ swirl with a blue pushpin instead of a pencil.  (pushpin)
Lest the friendslist think that this icon is merely gratuitously tacky, let me say that it's a bad joke, in honor of [ profile] tupshin, whose name is reliably misread on irc all the time. [ profile] tupshin is very much in favor of Getting Things Done -- and getting the *right* things done! Someone who gets the point, in short.
azurelunatic: "Sanity" St. John's Wort flower.  (sanity)
Hi. I volunteer for LiveJournal Support, and I probably have depression.

I say "probably", because I've never been diagnosed with it, despite knowingly battling with it since 1994. I know it runs in the family, because Dad has since been diagnosed with it. It's either been bad enough that I couldn't face anyone to do something to deal with it, or else under control or not so bad. These past several years, now that I am taking my St. John's Wort religiously, it has been under control, enough so that I can confidently say that any and all bad days in the past year have been caused by my reaction to external factors, not my biochemical inability to snap back from a bad mood.

I am grateful beyond belief that I have come to a point where medication will keep me on solid ground, and I am grateful to have found a medication that works to keep me there so long as I have good mental hygiene. Too many people do not have that, and I did not have that for too long.

It first got bad in the winter of 1994. My journals from then exist somewhere, most of them. I knew that something was wrong when I had to keep telling myself that I needed to stay alive long enough to see the new Star Trek movie. I was fourteen, everything was more or less going right in my family and school life, I had a cluster of good friends, and I didn't want to be alive anymore.

The movie came and went, and by that time, I had entangled myself with enough things to finish that I couldn't just drop them, and I'd gotten used to the idea that even though at any given moment I was perfectly bubbly and happy, there was this underlying lurking overwhelming woe that could come out of nowhere at the least provocation and eat away any and all of my happiness. I subdivided my brain, and let the happy side of me be in control and face the world, without really realizing just how bad it actually was. This continued throughout high school, with more and less success at keeping the depression under wraps. My everyday public-facing persona was not allowed to understand exactly how bad it was. I did not exactly repress memories, but the guardian persona was the gatekeeper of as many bad emotional memories as possible, and the main persona was not allowed to check those memories out without explicit permission and supervision. Most of my junior year of high school passed in a blur. I was not used to not remembering things, and most of that year had to be stripped of its emotional content before I was allowed to remember it. The catastrophic and epic bad relationship with my then-best-friend Shawn did not help matters at all, as he was self-centered, manipulative, callous, and histrionic. (More so than normal for a teenage boy.)

Each year was worse than the next, with little ability to recover from emotional blows, and quite a lot of deliberately self-destructive behavior. I think I started wearing at least one item of black clothing a day in 1997, as a reminder that anything I said or did was suspect, because I was depressed, and I could not forget this at any cost, or it could mean my life. After the incident that involved some muddy green paint and my beautiful white pirate shirt, I started phasing out coloured clothing altogether.

Things that get worse sometimes start to get better. After the final curtain closed on the Shawn Era, I wound up moving to Arizona (in the wake of BJ). Between one thing and another, I wound up on LJ. (See, I met Sis at school the first day. Then I met Darkside. Darkside's friend had a webcomic. In the message boards for the webcomic, I met [ profile] godai, who dragged me on to LJ.) On LJ, I met [ profile] iroshi. Between Darkside and [ profile] iroshi, my head got a housecleaning, and I got on St. John's Wort.

It got worse before it got better. See, the fact that I was getting counseling for the built-up issues of years meant that all the screaming agony that had been hiding under dull endurance started popping out, and that led to some scary and slightly psychotic acting-out. I would go through phases where I felt that I had recovered, and was doing better than ever, and so I'd stop taking the St. John's Wort. I'd be fine as long as it was in my system, and then I'd coast, and sometimes it would be quite a while until something happened. But, inevitably, something would happen.

Without medication, I do not snap back from emotional blows. I am slowly but surely training myself out of the idea that one poorly-placed word will inevitably ruin my week. When depression is lurking just around the corner, one event will snap me back into it, and I will obsess over that event and how horrible I am, and obsess over the running litany of ways in which I suck, and notable occasions in the past in which I have sucked worse, and how I could have, should have, would have done them better. That's not the case anymore. Sure, I will be put out of sorts by bad stuff happening, but within a few hours (depending on how bad it was) I'll feel better. I could have done things differently, sure, but it's not something to obsess over. I won't get abandoned by my true and close friends; the sort of friends who abandon me weren't really that close to start with, and if I was wrong about how close they are, then I'll just have to keep that in mind for next time. (I'm no longer scared that Darkside will tell me he's sick of me and to stop trying to be his friend. We've known each other too long for that now.)

When my brain chemistry is behaving itself, I am a bright and cheerful person. But even for all that, I know I can't dare let myself forget how tenuous that hold is. I've finally come to understand how it is that people who haven't touched a bit of alcohol in years still think of themselves as alcoholics, and go to meetings. It's part of who you are. It may not dominate your life now, but it did once, and it can never be allowed to do that again.

I'm Azz. I'm not depressed now, but I have depression.
azurelunatic: "/me smacks you around with a large trout." Trout image.  (trout) -- the next generation of "toys" is here! :D

[ profile] whatwasthatbook is made out of awesome. I probably won't go to the trouble of hunting it down, now that I've read a synopsis, but it's good to know what the book haunting some of my bookstore and library searches actually was. (And I'm hoping to have found this one -- the coin is what made my brain take notice.)

Avoid falling moose.

Okay. So I have a trout, and squid pie. What other sorts of fish need to be transmitted on (I have a plug for the site up in my booth at work, and the site has been making its way around the workplace somewhat virally. I showed it to one of the red cube badge guys (one of the local ones, after assuring him that it was SFW) and now it's probably going to make its way through the red cube badge guy network. One of my friends not on my team trouted one of my teammates, so my teammate already recognized it when I mentioned it to him...) Really, the site could continue to be as simple as it is (although a listing of all the different pages on the homepage would be good) or, if I get inspired, I could start having some database fun and playing with scripting languages.

Brains. (Because nothing says love like Hellsing and Voltaire.)

Hung out with Darkside as per usual today, after a longer-than-usual delay between time-of-plotting and actual departure (which involved laundry and sidetracking). Today's visual toxins (kidding, yo, kidding) included two episodes of Mythbusters, the first four "missions" (episodes) of the Devil May Cry anime (well, he might!), a lot of giggling, some failed attempts to get Darkside's PS2 to boot the game (he kept running back in to try again), Darkside locking me out of his bedroom as he shuffled through his video drawers (*snerk* -- and this was what prompted the earlier "brat" posting), and then some happy Record of Lodoss War time (in which I cheerfully 'shipped Parn/Kashue). I came home early, with a headache. I found that some goddamn white Escalade was in my fucking parking spot. For the record, the towing company needs a copy of the lease in order to tow. I dug that up, but in the ten minutes I was doing so, the SUV departed. (There were plenty of unoccupied spots. I was cranky on account of it's my spot and you don't do that, not actual need of the spot.) There was pizza (last night there was a pizza collision, on account of [ profile] myrrhianna and me having the same thought and getting the same thing) and comedy.

My headache and I are doing to bed, but not before I announce one new awesome-cool thing: there's been something that I've been sitting on for the past few months. Since I work for a company in the registrar business, these things are sort of near and dear to me. There's a particular volunteer domain that's been near and dear to a lot of volunteers' hearts, with great sentimental value. When the esteemed previous holders of the domain left as volunteers, they let the domain lapse. I'd had a cunning plan, but, being superstitious about this sort of thing, I hadn't really talked about it, even when it was making me nearly explosive to avoid talking about it, especially when I got the notification a few hours before Valentine's Day hit that the system was preparing for capture (and I was jittering all the day wanting to know if it had managed to catch it, because that would have been awesome wonderful to march into IRC with on the Day of Assorted Love). Instead, I got the notification today.

Ladies and gentlemen, goats and bots, cats and kittens -- is back under volunteer control. :D
azurelunatic: "Come and dance and love the fish! Mister Disco summoned it!" (love the fish)
I have no idea why I love this song so, but I do. And now it's even ... "better" ... than before.

azurelunatic: University of Alaska Fairbanks's Elvey Building (UAF)
Did a whole lot of nothing today. That, and unpacked some things and tidied and made some floor space and called U-Haul and got ASS customer service and watched some YYH and allowed [ profile] myrrhianna to call U-Haul back and be me and called Darkside.

Tomorrow is Hauling Stuff Day.

Darkside heard me yawning and tried to bully me into bed. That made me feel warm and fuzzy, even though I protested and told him that he's not my mother. Best friends get to get away with things like that, even though I'm not obliged to follow his orders anymore. (Internal obligation, not external. I was never externally obliged to follow orders from him.)

I just unpacked literally 6 boxes of books just now. Some of them are on public shelves, because they are either awesome books, or books of general public interest (like the Harry Potter books). Some of them are in the same closet that houses the oils and will wind up housing the incense. I really do have a pretty decent library... I know I'm going to want to tag my untagged books, just so things don't get confused a few years down the road.

I have a shiny new userpic. If you recognize the building, you may well have met bits and pieces of my family. Hooray for the natural sciences, where "natural" gets stretched a bit, because space is involved.

[ profile] gameboyguy13 is coming for Thanksgiving. Hooray!

I think I will be able to actually store things under my bed! There will be room!

Darkside's family is going cellphone-only soon. This means I will have a new number to memorize. Since I do not have The Dumb all the time when dealing with him, I immediately asked for the restrictions. Tuesdays are Out. Fridays (before 7pm) are Out. He doesn't know precisely when "evening" starts, although "weekend" is pretty standard. Oh, and he's sharing minutes. (Geographic convenience had better mean more face-time. Just sayin'. I have a best friend. I value time with said best friend. So. *grabbyhands*)

Strongbad really defies description. I tried describing the show to Darkside, and completely failed to get across the essential Strongbadiness of it all. Strongbad is really awesome ... from a twelve-year-old's description of awesome; wacky hijinks ensue. I had to bring up the concept because I am contemplating dressing as The Cheat this year. Halloween falls on a work day, and more than just me will Get It, because work knows and loves Strongbad. I mean, if one of the widely-used internal tools has a picture of Trogdor to help people navigate.... I already have the costume; it just needs a little touching up, with cardboard, construction paper or something, markers, and a little hot glue. More people would get The Cheat at work than they would "skyclad", I think, although that one would have the Pagan Dude rolling in the aisles, especially if I convinced [ profile] hcolleen to do what Sis did, and wear the night version. (A few years back, I wore my pale blue silk skirt with a bright blue cotton shirt painted with clouds and sun. Sis wore a black outfit with a reproduction of Van Gogh's "Starry Night" painted on it. It was cute.)
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (dh otp)
As always, my reactions are a mix of canon, fanon, LW RP canon and fanon, and gods know what. Have joined [ profile] the_ass_ship, which ships characters that y'all who haven't read the book haven't met yet.

Read more... )

Overall, I got what I was expecting out of it: solid characters, good worldbuilding, and rampant plot bunnies bursting out all over the place, juicy and flavorful and ever so ready to be caught, stewed, and served up properly. My head is busily re-weaving all the dangling plot threads into the Harry Potter story I wanted it to be. If it comes out coherent enough I'll maybe share it with the rest of y'all. I have this internal editor that will take raw materials like that, see the story that was meant to have been written, and go through that one instead. I'm really really bad at canon on HP, because I'm not detail-oriented like you need to be to be a complete canon junkie, and my head re-weaves the story to account for bad canon. I stopped reading Real Canon at OotP, because by then there was enough fanon to carry me through transcending the real books.
azurelunatic: "PIE DOESN'T HAVE TENTACLES!"  (tentacles)
Cephalopod Surprise. Enlisted military rage takes an entertaining turn when it's Skippy telling the tale. Beverages not recommended.

[ profile] hcolleen put text on a background. It's more surreal this way.
azurelunatic: "Welcome to the Internet. (Here's your free eyespork.)" Titanium spork.  (eyespork)
As if I didn't have enough icons already, I now have an eyespork icon. (Eyecon?)

I probably need an LJ client that doesn't choke when I try to paste something that's too big to be posted to LJ into it. Semagic, or at least this version of it, will sit there for long amounts of time rather than refusing the paste and saying "You're trying to paste a novel into a breadbox. Stop it." Suggestions?
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (RTFM n00b)
E-mailed to my co-writer:
Your beta wanted to know why the villagers were rising up against Ambrosius at that point in time. I think I have an answer. Wouldn't you be a little annoyed at the guy who has explosions and toxic waste?

GIP: RTFM n00b. Nibiki the demon-kitty (sooo cute!) and my scratches, retouched by [ profile] hcolleen. The answer to [ profile] myrrhianna's obvious question: "Why did you pick her up the second time?" is "Because occasionally, I r vry smrt."

I read the poem to the group. Enthusiastic response. It actually did follow the 5 pages of angst that [ profile] hcolleen read. We were done way early. There was a new person who had poetry to follow mine. And all was good.

Darkside showed up in my dreams; I found myself answering questions with enthusiasm, and showing off to [ profile] cadhla, who was mightily impressed that she had been an example, and excited and amused about my general happiness. There was something about a campus, and a play? but most of that vanished in the happy lazy waking-up.
azurelunatic: Hinky: adj: pure evil fuckery afoot. Syn.: suspicious (hinky)
*snerk* (A geek demo is so much more fun when the person doing it is a genuine dorkily hilarious geekboy. This guy is in my local LUG.)
Ahh, the wonders of DIY rocket-scooters. You can start it at 2:40 with no content lost, but the end makes up for it all. The good stuff is over by 3:11. Good editing would have made this five stars.

Apropos of discussion over at [ profile] theferrett's, I've come to the conclusion that my "real-life friends" are the friends where we use any medium that's the most handy or most suited for communications, whether it be face-to-face, telephone, e-mail, LJ, chat, IRC, passing notes in the cafeteria, or even two tin cans and a piece of string, if that's what amuses at the moment. I've never met [ profile] amberfox face-to-face, but she's totally an IRL friend, because she's part of -- gasp -- my real life.

Local spr0ties, any group trips planned to see Blood & Chocolate? -- Myths of Fandom Demographics

GIP: the Urban Dictionary definition of "hinky" caught channel's eye, because we were trying to explain it to JD. The result is this icon.
azurelunatic: The Wizards' Oath from Diane Duane's books, labeled "RTFM" (RTFM)
I'd change the subtitle of the journal to "fluent in Javascript as well as Klingon" ... except that I'm fluent in neither.
I fail the Weird Al Geek Test.

I am, however, playing "White and Nerdy" over and over and over and over. It's another "Lose Yourself", I think. (Anyone who was around for that incident with Sis, feel free to like hit me or something.)

I already had this conversation two weeks ago:
them: hey who is this
me: Um, you're the one IMing me. Shouldn't you know that?
them: umm no
me: All right then. I can safely assume that since you don't know, you don't need to know. Have a nice life! *waves*

Just a bit ago:
them: hey who is this
me: We already had that conversation. You added me, I don't know you, so why the hell did you add me?

Um. Oi.

Surreal errors:
"Sorry! an inexplicable error has occurred.
This error has been forwarded to MySpace's technical group."

The Shakespeare Programming Language -- poetic expression, translated to C!

Balloon molecules! Via, um, I think it was [ profile] xinef.

I went to the workplace and did things. I worked on graphs, then I got ganked to monitor $ISSUE_SIDE_JOB, then after that was done I got ganked to dial on $OTHER_SIDE_MINI_JOB. Then I had more graphs, and some in between. I left a machine attempting to run some. I need a beefier machine if I am going to do graphs, dammit. I left a note on the monitor.

I remain dreadfully amused by Darkside's mom's easy assumption that I have some form of secret power over the Darkside. The "You! Maybe you can teach him how to clean house!" speaks of boundless optimism, that Darkside can be taught to clean house. The easy assumption is that if anyone can teach him to do so, it would be me, where his mother has failed. That's the kicker. Why me? [ profile] hcolleen would be willing to bet that he talks about me when I'm not around. ...Do boys do that?
azurelunatic: cameo-like portrait of <user name="azurelunatic"> in short blue hair.  (cameo)
Tonight was an evening of just general awesome. Well, OK, the stuck in traffic part was not awesome, but what do you get when you have a carful of assorted fangirls? You get a lot of fun. Despite the fact that I left my water at home, I had an excellent evening. [ profile] samurai_ko fit right in and all was utter happiness and gigglitude and suchlike. What's more? She lives at the 1/4 mark between the domicile of [ profile] trystan_laryssa and the Asylum. There shall be carpooling and socializing, oh yes! She's also plotting to convert me to the joys of her workplace! ([ profile] ladydiana, she's to be nagging me on that front now!)

I demonstrated the creamer thing after dinner. There was spray. Ooops.

I spent rather a lot of time dumping assorted hair gel type things into one big bottle, mostly because the bottle that I had been using had a pump malfunction that refused to be repaired. End result? One liter of glitter hair gel. Since the Lunatic was bored, the hair got piled on top of the head, a generous squirt of the random blue Manic Panic was applied, and a shower cap was put over the mess. This occupied my hair while I was hanging out on IRC. It'll take some drying before any color shows, and what color there is won't be much. Blue over dark, dark brown does not come out well. It generally makes the hair blacker under all but the brightest of lights.

I also have a shiny new userpic. That's not my actual hair, though if my hair were that length, it would look just like that. Except that wig has more blue than my actual hair. Alas. I spent some time in The Gimp making everything all happy. I was going for a cameo effect, though the border spoils that. I blurred it ever so slightly, enhanced my necklace just a touch, removed the background, cropped in an oval, and put in a silly border. I want my necklace to show in photos of me. It's a bit of a submissive-thing.

Also... Roswell. Note that el Reg is infamous for wordplay, and cannot resist a good example. Or, in this case, bad example.
azurelunatic: "Are you challenging my ingenuity?"  (ingenuity)
[ profile] nalidoll finds a supplement that helps her deal with fibro! (It might or might not be worth checking out by other friends with chronic pain issues, but it is working very well for her, which is excellent news!)

Guy in a pink hat! (Not beverage-safe for Star Wars fans.)

I need to investigate to see if it is a bug: I thought that when I transferred the "Bujold" tag off the Steady Freddy userpic and onto ingenuity, that I had cut, not copied. It told me that it had picked one at random. It wound up on the right one. I thought that it was off Steady Freddy, actually. I should test.

My cosanguinary dayshift co-worker (we give plasma at the same place) hailed me and wanted to know if there was any truth to the rumor that I had gotten engaged and pregnant. Um, no.

Though I could see how that one could have gotten started. I'd been talking with Trendy Chick's counterpart, and mentioned in context of getting houses and settling down and stuff that there was This Guy who I was courting, and where he goes, I follow, and that he sounded like he would like to settle in the Bay Area, and therefore I would likely wind up there too. So that could have gotten spread very close to All Wrong very fast.

Today was a Serious Conditioning day, as I'd seriously almond oiled my hair last night before the shower (because I had to use the stupid dandruff shampoo, the shampoo that always leaves my hair feeling dry and nasty) and it was so very oiled in the shower that I didn't even have to use my actual conditioner. (Amazing.) So I braided it like that, and in the morning I was still feeling oiled and smoothed. Tonight? Still very much with the almond oil. I'm not sure if I'm going to have to condition tonight either.
azurelunatic: Cover of O'Reilly's Owl Book. O RLY?  (O RLY) -- the government is lying more than usual; women's health

Regarding [ profile] lightning_war: Best hopes for Charis. Dotty is a bitch. Such a bitch. I am quite happy loathing her, and should like to punch her smug face through the screen. Good RP there.

[ profile] chickenstories is brand new, and not mine. Happy gathering!
azurelunatic: Pool noodle inscribed with "Frickin' Clue Bat" (frickin' clue bat)
This is my Frickin' Clue Bat.

I use it at work.

It has instructions for application on the other side.
azurelunatic: "My user interface is pastede on (yay)": scenes from an Access database that is not working so well.  (pastede)
Darkside is designing a Root Cause Analysis Database for his old man.

In Microsoft Access.
And his dad wants the UI just so.
Darkside is out of practice (and, IIRC, not all that great at UI).

His test data for the database is something to behold.

Did I mention that I absolutely positively love him? Because I do. I so very much do.


azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺

September 2017

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