The 'No' Game
Aug. 28th, 2017 03:37 pmSo I was socialized to stress the idea that if I could do something to help out a friend, I should. This of course results in me sometimes feeling I should bend over backwards when it would actually inconvenience me, or share personal information that I think might be used to harm me.
My partner was traumatized at the hands of their ex, in that saying "no" to the ex's requests was often (but unpredictably) met with punishment.
We wound up improvising "The 'No' Game" in chat last September, when we were talking about selfies. They weren't used to taking selfies, so it rarely occured to them to take some. I asked if I should ask more often. "Yes," they said. "Although I may also want to practice my no." Saying "no" to me was unexpectedly hard for them.
"Hmm, would it help if I asked for something that I didn't actually want, that I know of?" I asked.
So we tried it.
Me: "Would you please drive-by paintball a rival workplace for me?"
Them: "Gods no."
Me: "Would you please plant a whoopee cushion on the chair of a colleague at your next meeting?"
Them: "No."
We worked out some unofficial rules.
2 players:
* Asker
* Responder
One six-sided die (optional)
One timer (optional, to determine game end by time)
Scorekeeping paper (also optional, to determine game end by points)
Choose who goes first, by dice roll or other agreed-upon method.
Choose an end condition. Recommended: 10-20 minutes or less of game time, or one player reaching 20 points.
Asker: Make a request of the Responder, one which you believe the Responder will honestly answer "No" to.
Responder: Respond honestly. (Do not actually carry out the request at this time.)
If the Responder's answer is "No", or (optionally) the Responder rolls 1-5 after answering "No", the Asker gets another question.
If the Responder's answer is "Yes", or (optionally) the Responder rolls 6 after answering "No", the Asker and Responder switch roles.
If the Responder answers "No", they receive a point.
If the Responder answers "Yes", the Asker receives a point.
If the Responder's answer is a conditional "No", or a "Yes but only if--" type answer, they still receive the point.
When the agreed-upon end condition of the game is reached (or one player is weary of the game, whichever happens first), the game ends.
My partner was traumatized at the hands of their ex, in that saying "no" to the ex's requests was often (but unpredictably) met with punishment.
We wound up improvising "The 'No' Game" in chat last September, when we were talking about selfies. They weren't used to taking selfies, so it rarely occured to them to take some. I asked if I should ask more often. "Yes," they said. "Although I may also want to practice my no." Saying "no" to me was unexpectedly hard for them.
"Hmm, would it help if I asked for something that I didn't actually want, that I know of?" I asked.
So we tried it.
Me: "Would you please drive-by paintball a rival workplace for me?"
Them: "Gods no."
Me: "Would you please plant a whoopee cushion on the chair of a colleague at your next meeting?"
Them: "No."
We worked out some unofficial rules.
The 'No' Game
Materials:
2 players:
* Asker
* Responder
One six-sided die (optional)
One timer (optional, to determine game end by time)
Scorekeeping paper (also optional, to determine game end by points)
Choose who goes first, by dice roll or other agreed-upon method.
Choose an end condition. Recommended: 10-20 minutes or less of game time, or one player reaching 20 points.
Objectives:
low-stakes practice in saying "No", increased knowledge of game partner's limits, creativity in coming up with requests, and potential hilarity.Play
Asker: Make a request of the Responder, one which you believe the Responder will honestly answer "No" to.
Responder: Respond honestly. (Do not actually carry out the request at this time.)
If the Responder's answer is "No", or (optionally) the Responder rolls 1-5 after answering "No", the Asker gets another question.
If the Responder's answer is "Yes", or (optionally) the Responder rolls 6 after answering "No", the Asker and Responder switch roles.
Scoring:
If the Responder answers "No", they receive a point.
If the Responder answers "Yes", the Asker receives a point.
If the Responder's answer is a conditional "No", or a "Yes but only if--" type answer, they still receive the point.
End:
When the agreed-upon end condition of the game is reached (or one player is weary of the game, whichever happens first), the game ends.