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Mar. 30th, 2002

azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Good Husband Wanted.

...The bug is biting me again. I want to settle down.

Every now and then, I feel like getting married. Like finding a man who will take good care of me for the rest of my life. All I'd have to do, in this dream world, is keep house, write, paint, and probably play with computers. Cook.

If Darkside ever decided to marry me, I'd have a husband who could cook.

I long for busy domesticity, for something to do with my life. My mother was one of the last true housewives. She is a biologist by college training; an artist by spirit. She makes lovely pottery. My father is retired, now.

Why do I do this to myself? The loneliness and longing get too much, sometimes. I might like to quit college, or not have to work through college, to be able to be an afternoon student. An evening student, even. To be able to go out and party.

...If I wanted it that much, I'd already have it.

This is the sort of night where, in the past, I might have contemplated killing myself. Never actually done anything of the sort. Always too chicken. Always had things to do before I died. Now I've got responsibilities.

This time it's not a reaction to an intolerably bad situation. It's just what feels like the desire to re-deal my solitaire hand.

80's songs have been streaming through my head all day. Perhaps it's time to get on a computer with a sound card and visit a streaming audio web radio site with 80's songs? "...That's when I fell in love again .... you said we could be friends..."

Never had a hand for solitaire, no. But you were there.


Adam isn't my long term Primary. R* isn't. It's doubtful that Darkside is, though he'll make an excellent longterm best friend, if he doesn't shy away from the idea of keeping close contact with me, no matter where we move, what we do.

There are so many things I can see, could see, tonight. Perhaps there was something in the wine? Ritual wine, blessed wine. Blessed with the full moon, the power of Passover. Outside last night in the rain. Dizzy when I close my eyes. The colours of Bejeweled are especially saturated tonight. I could dip my paintbrush in them and create a whole new universe from just those colours. Don't think the ritual wine, this kind, the blackberry very sweet kind, entirely agrees with my digestive system.

In an ideal world, I'd have a car tonight, and after I took a nap and my blood alcohol level were back to normal, I'd drive to Mesa and show up below Darkside's window. He and I would go driving, then, all around, windows open, radio on. We'd find the station playing those heartbreaking sappy love songs, the kind from the 80's and early 90's, and sing at the top of our lungs along with it. I don't care that he sings off-key. He doesn't much care that i sometimes mangle the words.

...I once told him that I could drive like that with him forever. We didn't know each other very well then, but almost well enough. Perhaps I should have kissed him, that day. Short-circuited all the agony in between. Taken the chance that circumstance dealt me.

It's one of my angst nights, second-guessing myself. Could I have done better? Yes. Should I have done better? Yes. Would I be any happier if I had done better? Gods only know.

Times like that, I could almost hate myself.

Perhaps I'm not over that depression, just yet.

Poly

Mar. 30th, 2002 03:21 am
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Got permission tonight, totally unsolicited, to have fun in Adam's absence. I didn't. Didn't feel right. Did hug R* and give him a kiss or two on random parts of the face/neck, but nothing more.

I suppose when something's been broken, it doesn't just fly back together, once the hammer's gone.

Sex

Mar. 30th, 2002 03:46 am
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
I'm not getting any until Adam has a chance to see V.

Basically, V. has gotten rather grouchy about my relationship with Adam. It seems that every time she hears that he and I have slept together, she gets all generally hurt-feeling. This is not a fun thing to have happen. So, in order to maintain equity, Adam is not having sex with me until he gets a chance to see her.

Needless to say, this is a bit frustrating on both sides. All three sides.

I have released all the relationship rules I had with Adam, so we can renegotiate later.

...I'm really not comfortable with the situation, but she is his best friend.

Birthdays

Mar. 30th, 2002 04:33 am
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
the Viking and Marx have both had recent/soon to be birthdays, so tonight was the party. Cake, wine, general happiness and laughter.

Blessed be, guys.

Collection

Mar. 30th, 2002 10:12 am
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Did I mention that I collect Daves? I have this habit of falling asleep, however.
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
My parents arrive today. General housecleaning ensues.

I sort through papers. Most get tossed. Some get saved. The McDonald's financial report gets tossed. The memo to Professor Van Zwol gets saved. The C++ notes from Ron get saved. Ron is an awesome professor.
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Setup: Fidella Taylor and her roommate Jess are spending Thanksgiving with the Taylor clan, an uproarious collection of people you really might want to avoid being around. Fidella and Jess are witches. Not all of the Taylor clan knows this.

And yes, this smacks of an astonishing resemblance, the setup, to people I know and love, but I have ideas that go past that ... this is how all of my good fictions start out, with a familiar situation ... then it gets warped.

Characters:
Fidella Taylor
Jess
Mrs. Taylor
Mr. Taylor
Grandma Taylor
Aunt Ramona
Aunt Dee (Fidella's sister? cousin?)
The Cousins (Dee's kids)
Eeenie (Eunice)
Meenie (Minerva)
Maya
Moe
Uncle Ben (Dee's husband)

Storyteller: Jess

I came home to hear Fidella barfing in the bathroom, never a good sign. "What gives, Sis?" I hollered through the closed and locked door, slinging my backpack onto the well-used couch.

"Family," she yelled back.

"I'm sorry," I called and left her to her misery.


What a good start to the holidays. It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and I still didn't know what we were doing. If all else failed, there was a package of turkey cold cuts in the fridge, and instant mashed potatoes. In fact.... I began to plan a casserole, and perhaps if I got ambitious, we could pick up some KFC....

Fidella unlocked the bathroom right about then. "I hate talking with my mom," she said, and hit the couch face-first.

"I'm sorry," I said again. The only way to extract Fidella from one of these blue funks was to distract her. "I was thinking potato and turkey casserole for Thursday, as an alternative to whatever slop they'll be serving in the dining hall?"

"No," Fidella said flatly.

"KFC?" I ventured. "Or, if you don't want to think about food right now, I understand..."

"No, you don't understand," Fidella said. "We are having Thanksgiving dinner with my family."

To do:

Mar. 30th, 2002 11:37 am
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Pay bills
work out
Get the card that will upgrade my CD drive to read DVD's
clean house
get shelves
install camera on one of the computers around here, possibly Votania's Poor Old Stack
go swimming
Get bed from Bachelor Apartment
Play with Linux
get bricks for bookshelf
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Van Zwol tells us to avoid, at all costs, the McDonald's in Peyson, AZ, at the highway interchange of 260 and 87.

He went there once, years ago, to try and stop in to grab a quick bite to eat and do the restroom thing. When he came to the counter to order -- it was that time of the morning when nobody was in there, almost lunchtime but not quite -- he tried to get the attention of the guy behind the counter.

It took far too long for him to do that. Van Zwol snapped out his order. Van Zwol is not a patient guy. Counter guy shuffles over to the back. "Hey, we got any Big Macs?" he hollers out. "Yeah," comes the holler back.

Counter guy shuffles back to cash register. Each button takes about thirty seconds to press, and Van Zwol's just standing there, getting pissier and pissier by the moment. Eventually the counter guy realizes that he should be asking the guys in the back to put the order together, instead of whatever the hell it was that he was doing...

What should have been a two minute transaction took about ten. Meanwhile, a crowd of tourists had flooded in...

...Van Zwol holds grudges. Way he told it, it was damn funny, just like the skunk story...
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Adam went out partying with his brother last night. Got drunk off his ass, and had an encounter with a trampoline, his forehead, and an iron gate. His shoulderblade, from what I hear, came out the worst of the deal, though I don't imagine his forehead looks very pretty this morning either.

He ran into a chick. Pestilence got first whack at her, but upon discovering that her policy was "No glove, no love," ceded his chance to Adam, who made out with her, and may wind up doing more.

In light of this, his giving me the freedom last night to do who I willed makes more sense... I didn't, last night, do anything with anybody here. Did fall asleep in the middle of what promised to be a rather hot cyber session with a friend, but by that time it was five in the morning. Past five in the morning. 5:45 or so.

Whee!

Mar. 30th, 2002 06:57 pm
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
My parents are here.

Much rejoicing.

They are getting along with the household wonderfully. Already, FatherSir has stepped in and started fixing our wobbly ceiling fan. Mama is getting to know my rock collection with Aunt C. FatherSir and Nephew are getting along.

Household happiness.

Adam has not yet returned.
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Pencils are sexy! I like Hentai! Let me color your world...


"Fiction turns me on. I'm a Hentai freak!"

What's Your Fetish? Take the test at Nollykin's World


River, my sister Narcissa's fiance, introduced me to hentai long long ago. I was hooked. I must admit, I get more out of nice pretty drawings and stories than I do out of live-action things. I suppose it's because I get into the storylines, and a lot of the porn industry flicks are just about the fucking, not about the storyline. There's something about a good story and good art that makes or breaks an experience.

And yes, I read fanfic too. M/S R used to be my favorite: Mulder/Scully Romance.

Now I seem to have gotten into Harry Potter fic, because certain portrayals of a not-so-young Draco Malfoy turn my insides the same way they get turned around Darkside...

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azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
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