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May. 6th, 2002
Parting ways...
May. 6th, 2002 02:22 amThe household's to decrease to just three again come the end of August.
...I'm going to miss Adam very much. But we're all going batty, some of us faster than others...
...I'm going to miss Adam very much. But we're all going batty, some of us faster than others...
Freakout Factor
May. 6th, 2002 02:34 amI was multiple from approximately 1994 to 2001. That last year was one of my toughest and strangest. We were finally coming together to work as a team.
I started letting new potential friends know, pretty much upfront, all the weird things about me that might freak the hell out of them: witch, bisexual, multipersonalitied. (Didn't quite self-identify as poly, then.) The idea was to keep the people who didn't flip out and not bother to get to know the people who totally freaked on me.
I knew I'd found a friend to keep for life when Mona actually came out around Darkside, and then communicated with him for a good hour. (She didn't speak.)
We eventually did spontaneously integrate.
I do miss having the companionship in my mind. If left alone long enough, I'd add new personalities to my mind, refine old ones. The Azz/Shanna/Mona/'Ni conglomerate is a good working personality -- how about discovering a few more?
That's one of the things I'm spooked about in the reduction of household. Withous someone around to help keep a watch on my mind, I know I'll mutate.
I started letting new potential friends know, pretty much upfront, all the weird things about me that might freak the hell out of them: witch, bisexual, multipersonalitied. (Didn't quite self-identify as poly, then.) The idea was to keep the people who didn't flip out and not bother to get to know the people who totally freaked on me.
I knew I'd found a friend to keep for life when Mona actually came out around Darkside, and then communicated with him for a good hour. (She didn't speak.)
We eventually did spontaneously integrate.
I do miss having the companionship in my mind. If left alone long enough, I'd add new personalities to my mind, refine old ones. The Azz/Shanna/Mona/'Ni conglomerate is a good working personality -- how about discovering a few more?
That's one of the things I'm spooked about in the reduction of household. Withous someone around to help keep a watch on my mind, I know I'll mutate.
"And oh my lord prepare
My soul for that great day
O wash me in thy precious blood
And take my sins away."
--Shapenote Hymn
That's the thing. I've earned every dent, scratch, and scrape on this soul of mine. Hopefully, learned from it all. Those are the reminders I have of the lessons I've learned. Just like scars. There may be no physical reminder of some of my most painful lessons, but the mental effects, the memory of it, will always have an impact on my actions in the future. But the memory remains.
It is theoretically possible for Divinity to remove my sins from me: take everything I have fucked up at that has caused harm, and remove it from my being. The point of sin, though, the point of the causing of harm, is that we may do it, realize that we've done it, and stop doing it. In my view, humans are born neutral of Divinity, with, in Cordelia's words, the will to be stupid. Either out of ignorance or will to be stupid, we fuck things up for ourselves and others.
River and I once had a heated debate about ignorance. He argued that ignorance was bliss. I argued counter to that. We eventually realized that we meant the same thing, from different angles. I argued that enlightenment was bliss, knowing things. He argued that the bliss in ignorance was the delight in learning the things you hadn't known before. I agreed with that, and we decided that we'd just keep on using the same labels we had before, but with new appreciation.
Lack of knowledge that pain exists does not, unfortunately, automatically countermand all pain. I choose to accept that I have caused pain, and will, unfortunately, continue to cause it. I have no choice that I consider valid but to believe, to know, that at least some of that pain is pain with a purpose, akin to childbirth.
Memory of the pain I have caused, while not pleasant to me, is a constant reminder to me that I must improve and transcend what has come before me. Those who retrace through the same snow I've slogged through shall hopefully surpass me.
My soul for that great day
O wash me in thy precious blood
And take my sins away."
--Shapenote Hymn
That's the thing. I've earned every dent, scratch, and scrape on this soul of mine. Hopefully, learned from it all. Those are the reminders I have of the lessons I've learned. Just like scars. There may be no physical reminder of some of my most painful lessons, but the mental effects, the memory of it, will always have an impact on my actions in the future. But the memory remains.
It is theoretically possible for Divinity to remove my sins from me: take everything I have fucked up at that has caused harm, and remove it from my being. The point of sin, though, the point of the causing of harm, is that we may do it, realize that we've done it, and stop doing it. In my view, humans are born neutral of Divinity, with, in Cordelia's words, the will to be stupid. Either out of ignorance or will to be stupid, we fuck things up for ourselves and others.
River and I once had a heated debate about ignorance. He argued that ignorance was bliss. I argued counter to that. We eventually realized that we meant the same thing, from different angles. I argued that enlightenment was bliss, knowing things. He argued that the bliss in ignorance was the delight in learning the things you hadn't known before. I agreed with that, and we decided that we'd just keep on using the same labels we had before, but with new appreciation.
Lack of knowledge that pain exists does not, unfortunately, automatically countermand all pain. I choose to accept that I have caused pain, and will, unfortunately, continue to cause it. I have no choice that I consider valid but to believe, to know, that at least some of that pain is pain with a purpose, akin to childbirth.
Memory of the pain I have caused, while not pleasant to me, is a constant reminder to me that I must improve and transcend what has come before me. Those who retrace through the same snow I've slogged through shall hopefully surpass me.
Slaying Virgins
May. 6th, 2002 12:55 pmGot a friend who needs love advice. She has a virgin (male) who wants to have that situation taken care of. She, though having been married before, is of somewhat lesser experience, and would appreciate advice.
I sent her pointers towards The Red Book and everybody's favorite, the Kama Sutra. I've been gathering sex advice from my own experience, and Adam's been contributing too.
Any general helpful sex hints for the newbie would be appreciated.
I sent her pointers towards The Red Book and everybody's favorite, the Kama Sutra. I've been gathering sex advice from my own experience, and Adam's been contributing too.
Any general helpful sex hints for the newbie would be appreciated.
Bitchstorm
May. 6th, 2002 03:16 pmAdam's gone for quite some time without a job. He'd been hoping to not have to get another job for the whole semester, and get his old job back next semester. He was told that he had one month to get a job.
The household is not exactly having an easy time, financially, right now.
Votania and Adam had a big blowup today. She proposed plasma donation as a way for him to bring in money. He's opposed to that on grounds that his immune system is already overtaxed, and he's got a Thing, which feels about as big as Votania's Thing about needles, about having stuff put into his body. From what he understands, the blood is withdrawn, the plasma filtered out, and the remainder put back into the body. He's fine with giving blood. But having an untrusted source put something into the body? No. Absolutely not. He'd rather work a week at a Circle K (Votania's most dangerous forbidden job for the household) than donate plasma, at least not until seeing what plasma donation does to someone's health firsthand.
Added to that, it's housecleaning day. Votania's dragging stuff out of closets and putting it in the shed. I'm hiding in my room.
The household is not exactly having an easy time, financially, right now.
Votania and Adam had a big blowup today. She proposed plasma donation as a way for him to bring in money. He's opposed to that on grounds that his immune system is already overtaxed, and he's got a Thing, which feels about as big as Votania's Thing about needles, about having stuff put into his body. From what he understands, the blood is withdrawn, the plasma filtered out, and the remainder put back into the body. He's fine with giving blood. But having an untrusted source put something into the body? No. Absolutely not. He'd rather work a week at a Circle K (Votania's most dangerous forbidden job for the household) than donate plasma, at least not until seeing what plasma donation does to someone's health firsthand.
Added to that, it's housecleaning day. Votania's dragging stuff out of closets and putting it in the shed. I'm hiding in my room.
the creeping terror
May. 6th, 2002 04:54 pmWhy, exactly, is my skin crawling, am I shivering now?
There's something not right, and I don't know where to pin it to. Adam and Votania are unhappy with each other. I refuse to fight with her over him.
It's Bitchy Witchy week, and there are cramps. I hope it's just a bitchy witchy artifact, and not something truly wrong, but I know it isn't.
...I don't know what's up between me and Marx. It's like everything he says sparks the wrong way in me somehow, and I end up retreating.
There's something not right, and I don't know where to pin it to. Adam and Votania are unhappy with each other. I refuse to fight with her over him.
It's Bitchy Witchy week, and there are cramps. I hope it's just a bitchy witchy artifact, and not something truly wrong, but I know it isn't.
...I don't know what's up between me and Marx. It's like everything he says sparks the wrong way in me somehow, and I end up retreating.
I saw it in 1998...
May. 6th, 2002 07:06 pmNephew is a soccer player. Confirmation today, with his black eye. Mommy wanted to know how it happened. One of his schoolmates kicked him. She wanted to know what was happening before the schoolmate kicked him. (Querying "Why did he kick you?" gets the response, "Because he kicked me.") Evidenly they were playing.
"What game were you playing?" I asked.
"Soccer."
Owies from soccer happen; soccer is still a damn fun game.
...I saw myself, walking down the hall, in my high heels (that I didn't have then), with Nephew, to soccer practice... in 1998.
Before I knew them.
"What game were you playing?" I asked.
"Soccer."
Owies from soccer happen; soccer is still a damn fun game.
...I saw myself, walking down the hall, in my high heels (that I didn't have then), with Nephew, to soccer practice... in 1998.
Before I knew them.
YAAAAAAAY!
May. 6th, 2002 07:12 pmEverybody, welcome ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
boojum back to my friends list, after about four years of losing touch.
Well, "back" is a bit misleading. Had I had an LJ then, and had she had an LJ then, we never would have lost touch.
Real Life does that to one sometimes.
In summary, for the past four years, I've ditched Shawn, gotten engaged to Christian-boy Brian, moved to Arizona, ditched Brian, and found new family here. Oh yeah, and some near-suicidal depression and stuff like that, but it's all good now.
boojum back to my friends list, after about four years of losing touch. Well, "back" is a bit misleading. Had I had an LJ then, and had she had an LJ then, we never would have lost touch.
Real Life does that to one sometimes.
In summary, for the past four years, I've ditched Shawn, gotten engaged to Christian-boy Brian, moved to Arizona, ditched Brian, and found new family here. Oh yeah, and some near-suicidal depression and stuff like that, but it's all good now.
Right, then.
May. 6th, 2002 09:57 pmThey would be in a state where "open" is not true. 7-9 weekly; 9-7 weekend. Central time.
...grr. Last time I worked with them, there was none of this bullshit. Grr.
...On the other hand, if I should happen to call with a technical problem (namely, I need to download the drivers for my system... again...) hm. That sounds do-able.
...grr. Last time I worked with them, there was none of this bullshit. Grr.
...On the other hand, if I should happen to call with a technical problem (namely, I need to download the drivers for my system... again...) hm. That sounds do-able.
Dell phone tag.
May. 6th, 2002 10:04 pmThank you for asking, but I do not have my express service code. It got scraped off, buttheads.
...Again, I have no express service code. The bar code was obliterated by shoddy materials and rough handling. The boot does not reveal my correct code, as it was a reinstall of the OS.
Six minutes expected wait time.
No, sorry, I don't have that service tag. I do have my customer number.
...Again, I have no express service code. The bar code was obliterated by shoddy materials and rough handling. The boot does not reveal my correct code, as it was a reinstall of the OS.
Six minutes expected wait time.
No, sorry, I don't have that service tag. I do have my customer number.
Dell call, continued.
May. 6th, 2002 10:16 pmNeedless to say, I'm still on hold. I just posted myself my customer number, on private, so I won't have to go around digging in the docs again.
They're still all busy. Hm. ...and still. (10:07) Catching up on friends list, and Bujold list. (*10) ...getting thanked for my patience every thirty seconds does try what patience I have remaining. But, considering that this is a dodge to try and evade their legit business hours, I can't complain too harshly. (*:11)
And my patience. (:13) Surprised that I was the first in the Bujold list to figure out that "altitude unit" equals "Miles". 10:14. 15. Initial estimate, six minutes.
Are these Microsoft minutes, by chance?
Here we go. 10:16.
They're still all busy. Hm. ...and still. (10:07) Catching up on friends list, and Bujold list. (*10) ...getting thanked for my patience every thirty seconds does try what patience I have remaining. But, considering that this is a dodge to try and evade their legit business hours, I can't complain too harshly. (*:11)
And my patience. (:13) Surprised that I was the first in the Bujold list to figure out that "altitude unit" equals "Miles". 10:14. 15. Initial estimate, six minutes.
Are these Microsoft minutes, by chance?
Here we go. 10:16.
Fuck you very much, Brian James Toole.
May. 6th, 2002 10:23 pm1 800 456 3355 x 68182 for business computers. Evidently since he ordered it as a business computer, the home department cannot take care of it for me.
And the rep lied to me. they're not open twenty four hours to change your info.
I am now in another waiting queue. I gave up and called the business line.
And the rep lied to me. they're not open twenty four hours to change your info.
I am now in another waiting queue. I gave up and called the business line.
Still on the phone with Dell
May. 6th, 2002 10:38 pm...on hold. Lots of lovely music. It's 10:29. I have had time to contemplate the source of some of these ills, and have written him a very loving note.
Ron? Rob? Finally got a pickup. Whee. 10:38.
To: abgi22@yahoo.com
Subject: I hate you
Body:Deciding to marry you was the biggest mistake I ever made, and letting you help me order my computer was an even bigger mistake. I never want to hear from you again, and I want all the things of mine that I left at your parents' house delivered to my parents' house.
Joan
Ron? Rob? Finally got a pickup. Whee. 10:38.