Had 2 back to back video appointments about next steps in my treatment. Dr. Bitsblobs showed me the images from the PET scan, which was cool. We discussed treatment and timing; he's ordering more tests on the biopsy to tailor the treatment.

Current plan:
* Several specialist referrals (symptom treatment, social worker, therapist, occupational/physical therapist)
* In person appointment with a pelvic exam
* Pre-radiotherapy CT scan
* Vacuum formed "beanbag chair" for radiotherapy immobilization
* Radiotherapy
* Chemotherapy with cold cap (and possibly cold mitts and booties to stave off potential neuropathy)
* Immunotherapy

I'll be having active treatment into February, most likely. I have a tentative schedule marked in the house calendar.

After that, I saw someone on the twits quoting from Patricia Lockwood's Priestdaddy memoir (she's Miette's mom) and promptly checked it out and read it. In addition to the hilarious bits it's got some pretty dark stuff about growing up in the type of environment where women are second class citizens. Specifically the Catholic church, with pretty much all that entails getting discussed. She's a poet and this book really showcases that. Her titular father is An Character, and I recognize aspects of my own in him. If you enjoy Jenny Lawson and Allie Brosh at their funniest and darkest, consider reading this.

At last update, it had been repaired in the alternator and some suspension-y things, with the hope that the check engine light was an artifact of the power-related doom and gloom.

Belovedest ran us by the county auditor's office (they're the official DMV-type outlet) on Friday and I picked up a new kind of temporary permit thing: a 3-day one that doesn't restrict the destination. This meant I would be able to do another drive cycle on the thing without having to cram it into a trip to the emissions location. It also had more flexibility in activation. I didn't have to try to predict what day would be a good sleep/brain day in advance. The clerk gave me a printout of the fees for the registration. Ow. I appreciated the warning very much.

It so happened that the local launch of Seanan McGuire's new book Middlegame was an hour away, starting at 6pm on Saturday. Coincidentally, my partner works the first* weekend of the month, and gets out of work at 6 on Saturday. Oops. So it was a good opportunity for a small shakedown cruise.

* Based on the first Sunday of the month, so sometimes it's the last Saturday of the previous month when the current month starts on Sunday.

This sort of permit involves the user filling in details like the VIN and the expiration date. The user picked a leaky pen and got a very ink-stained hand for their troubles. I popped the little tape dispenser in the IKEA shopping bag I've been using for all the related paperwork.

When I was about 5 minutes from my destination, the check engine light popped on. I didn't start crying. I did use my Dick Tracy text feature to send Belovedest an upset text. I decided in favor of turning the car off (since I was in the bookstore parking lot at that point) and going to the event.

("The author event tonight, where--" Seanan in her unmistakable hair walks past "--I just saw the author walk past, but where is the event?")

Everything at the event was lovely, with the exception that I had forgotten to bring my crocheting project. I realized the lack when about 25% of the audience had some sort of fiber arts project.

norabombay kept me company on the ride home, after I rebooted my phone. The headset will sometimes decide to repeatedly reboot itself when there's an incoming call. Rebooting the headset does not seem to fix it. Rebooting the phone does. Pixel 1, Android 9.

The check engine light meant back to the mechanic. The three day pass and Belovedest's work schedule meant we would take it in Monday. So Monday afternoon, I started off to the mechanic, gingerly at first.

By the time I arrived, I had been cruising through the soft summer air with the windows down and the radio on, singing. "Everything glows in a place like this. ... Never thought I'd let a rumour ruin my whole liiiiiife ..." It felt like Arizona, youth, and freedom. Salute, Vash.

Belovedest caught up with me. The mechanic is closed Mondays, but there's a drop box for keys. I separated that set and left them. Then we went shopping.

I chatted with the mechanic on Tuesday. It wasn't gunky oil (as we found last time). The solenoid was clicking. The gear that the solenoid is supposed to shuffle back and forth is in charge of switching between Turbo and Economy. Which you sort of need in a 1.5L engine, the mechanic mentions.

As a compromise, he hits the button that says POWER. Another button that says ECONOMY pops out and goes dead, reminding him, like an educational demonstration, that the two are mutually exclusive. The van's tiny engine downshifts, which makes it feel more powerful.

So the gear is stuck in one of the two modes. Based on how it performed when I was trying to merge onto I-5, probably Economy. (But it was nothing like trying to baby a 4 cylinder engine with lousy compression on 1, 2, and 4 and abysmal compression on 3 through the 45mph mark where it tried to die while accelerating uphill. Ave atque vale, Vash.) Replacing the gear -- and Toyota has a bulletin out about the fuck part -- is likely 1K+.

But Washington State has an emissions waiver program. All you have to do is fail the test once (done), and spend $150+ on diagnostic and/or repair with an endorsed mechanic. Done.

I picked up the form to move the car on Wednesday/Thursday (the inexpensive to-from emissions one) then plotted Wednesday morning out in sensible little time blocks so Belovedest could drop me off on their way to work and leave me neither relying on the vagaries of the bus nor enabling scabs on the rideshare picket. We were only 5 minutes behind schedule when we arrived, and there was still a little flex left.

I appreciate this mechanic deeply. He took the solenoid out when he got the gear, and measured the distance of travel. The solenoid was not the problem.

I got my waiver. I whipped out the tape dispenser and attached the permit, then drove somewhat gingerly to the emissions test, where I failed (not enough systems ready, but I knew that). I went around to the office and presented my paperwork. The excellent person came to peer under the hood, then let me wait in the car for her to do the computer bits.

Then I was off to the Auditor's office again. I got slightly lost.

The wait was short. The fees were as promised (ow). The license plates were tagged and in my hands. I filled out a happy comment card on the spot.

I taped the license plate inside the rear window for the trip home.

Switching my insurance policy to my own car was easy. Tracking down an APK for Automatic Classic was harder, and pairing the dongle was obnoxious. To top it all off, I sprayed it with the hose to get the dust off.

Next: the license plate mounting brackets are on order. And once I have the income, it'll be time to replace the $1100 gear. Joy. And the electronic locks are ... not always doing the right thing.

But I have options now! I can do things! Go places! Accept jobs not on a transit line! Though a job in Seattle had better be on one because I-5 daily = nopetopus.

23:13 Sunday, 23 November, 2014
Purple also knows "The Humans Are Dead", so we sing/reference bits of it at each other every now and then. I think the latest was "no more unethical treatment of elephants".

I told Darkside that he was the best $HISNAME. And that I wasn't very good at being a $WALLETNAME. He pointed out that based on some of the more notorious instances of my walletname, those are some epic examples to live up to. Also, that death by religious persecution is unpleasant.

(Then ensued me mentioning the meeting in which everyone was saying "Azure", and I kept twitching...)


01:42 Wednesday, 26 November, 2014

Monday: slept late because I had a hard time getting to sleep, and unsettling dreams once I did: missing a technical interview because I'd slept through it, and being at a lunch counter in the 2nd-floor hall of my elementary school (well, 1.5th floor) where nothing looked like food I could eat and then things kept disappearing as I tried to make up my mind.

Naturally when I got to work, the cafeteria had decided to close a half-hour early because of the holiday week, and it was just by grace of other people in the grill line that I was able to get food at all. I checked in with my manager for our 1:1 (at one of the lobby couches because her room got poached).

Later, after the building was well on its way to ghost town status (early) I realized that traffic was not ass, and beat a hasty retreat home, via the gas station. Even after chatting with Nora, there was still time to go soak in the hot tub. I knelt and faced the ocean and had some thoughts. Then I relaxed. About when it was almost time to come in, I saw some grumpy cats with ringed tails climbing a nearby tree. So I watched them for a bit.

Tuesday:

Went to bed early, woke up early (before my early alarm). Came in to work early. Worked on stuff. Hit up the shipping & receiving office with some international outbound shipments for Carmageddon. Came back with a few things as well (they'd just checked them in and recognized me at the door).

Madam Standards saw my coffee mug with the initial A. I mentioned a few things. (Not my full name, however.)

I sent an IM to Mr. Bananas to see if he was the same jacket size as the jacket.

Had lunch with some of my teammates: Madam Standards, the Dogesitter, and the Norseman. There was, of course, hilarity. After the Norseman wandered off, the topic of 50 Shades of Grey came up. And Twilight.

"Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob? Our friendship may hinge on your answer!"

I, of course, am perpetually on "Team Bella goes the fuck to college", and I said pretty much that. We then discussed the pros and cons of Jacob: Bella wouldn't have to change in order to be with Jacob, and helloooo werewolf abs! I pointed out that Bella wasn't actually that into Jacob, and I dated a dude with his exact personality in high school, and hooo maaaaaaaaaaan was that not a great experience. So Bella should by no means be dating Jacob. Madam Standards pointed out that she had to change to be with Edward. Plus, werewolf abs. I reiterated: team college.

I saw in my email, as we were discussing these weighty matters, that there was a set of missed IMs from Mr. Bananas. For context, Mr. Bananas and Purple have known each other for approximately a decade, through two companies, and three offices. They were officemates at the last company, on a team that Purple was on prior to moving around, and now on their current team. I don't know what Purple's opinion is of Mrs. Bananas, but it's possible that their friendship has seniority timewise, at least, to Mrs. Bananas. They ask for each other as officemates when that's an option. They are, in short, good buddies.

Mr. Bananas: Hi Azure, how are you doing? my jacket size is M.
Mr. Bananas: so Purple told you that I have been eyeballing his jacket, huh
Mr. Bananas: to be clear.. i was just touching the jacket that happened to be on him
Mr. Bananas: no intention to touch him at all

I cracked the hell up, and found myself having to explain this to my lunchmates. It wasn't the most coherent explanation in the history of ever. I returned to my desk.

ajlunatic: Purple did mention that there had been some jacket envy
ajlunatic: alas, I only have the one spare one, and it is the same size as Purple's: XL
ajlunatic: I'm in no position to have any opinions about who is touching Purple ... unless of course he takes exception to it, in which case I am chivalrously obliged to back him up

StPatience in #adventuresofstnono provided a link. I cheerfully went on to share it with Steph, #VirtualH, the chatfish, and [off-topic].

http://imgur.com/gallery/fe7YCFt <- please enjoy this Cthurkey

I attempted to recruit Purple and/or Mr. Zune to come to the Seanan/Mira thing, but alas. Purple was becoming one with his couch, and the thought of heading to contend with San Francisco was just not on. I called Purple. He called me back from his landline (as his reception from his place is absolute ass) and we chatted a bit.

He also found the comments from Mr. Bananas amusing.

We also discussed the Cthurkey, particularly the tentacular aspect. There are reasons why I cherish my friendship with Purple. If he actually started a [hentai-turkey] list, I would probably have to hide under my desk in mortification. (We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.)

Then I had to get on BART to head to the Mira book release party for Symbiont. So I did that. And I got the book. And I started reading, stuffing reactions in squeemachine, with page citations from the hardback. I found myself hissing the villain, as being me when I read is an interestingly interactive experience. I was not done reading when it came time for the party to start. It being a weeknight, it was a very small party. The peak may have been 11 people, not counting bookstore/cafe staff. Weeknight party attendance has nothing to do with how well the book will sell. It's a lovely book so far. I can't finish it tonight.

She did a reading from "Rolling in the Deep", which is what happens when they ask her to do a Mira story about mermaids. ( SPOILER ALERT! )

There were more prizes to go around than there were people present, because weekday. Yay books!

Tif was also there. Yay!

I like to have handcrafts at parties like this. This time, I worked assiduously on my loon shawl, continuing the process of loonembellishment. It's looking very nicely loony.

One of the questions was about LGBTQI...* representation. One of the challenges with Seanan's October Daye series fae is that with their effective immortality, most of the fae do average out to bisexual -- even a 95% straight fae is likely to run across those five exceptions -- but that can be a challenge to represent. (The audience member asking the question was pleased by the consistent way that people with these identities and experiences were sprinkled visibly throughout most of her books, which is rarer than it ought to be in the genre, and Seanan had many things to say. Among other things, she expressed that visible representation ought to be the bare minimum.) So that was how the topic of asexuality amongst the fae came up to start with. And the difficulty of expressing asexuality in a character without running the risk of screeding. And someone asked whether a particular character was not perhaps ace. Cue Seanan channeling said character for a brilliant few minutes about bodily fluids, and stickiness. Hilarity, etc.

When the questions were all answered, the books and shirts were all given away, and the books were all signed, it was time to wrap up. Tif and I popped across the street for burgers, and talked about a great many things, including social shenanigans (a specific fashion community's CAH supplements), cats (her cats, and the cat-buttering vaporware app), shoe woes, and the social difficulty of writing minutes for a meeting during which the local equivalent of Dr. Pulaski is not present, and therefore the entirety of the meeting is complaining about Dr. Pulaski.

I had a dodgy feeling about the 16th St station, so I walked back to 24th St. It was not as ultra sketch as 16th tends to be, but there were still things which I would identify as sketch. Including the dudes who were smoking up and then spitting on the floor inside the station while we were waiting for the train.

When I came home, lb had shared the following: http://betabeat.com/2014/09/this-is-maker-faires-secret-wall-of-animatronic-3d-printed-dicks/

Tomorrow will be Wednesday.

Thursday will be US Thanksgiving. Guide Dog Aunt is hosting; the other aunt will be joining us. Tay and her Young Man will be coming. Not sure how many cousins, if any. I plan to bring CAH, as this subgroup of family seems to be compatibly terrible with each other. (I am entirely willing to play CAH with my aunts and sister. When extra siblings from my aunts' generation come in, it may be Apples to Apples time.)

In which I rediscover something about The Girl Who Owned a City, by O.T. Nelson, that failed to stick in my head from 2009, in #yuletide:


[22:42] <azurelunatic> ... oh dear god.
[22:42] <azurelunatic> I think I hate http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Girl_Who_Owned_a_City even more now.

[22:43] <strixus> and why Azz?

[22:43] <strixus> i can think of plenty of reasons why to hate that book

[22:44] <azurelunatic> Okay, so there's this really juicy post-apocalyptic story about a girl who manages to craft a well-armed civilization out of the wreckage.
[22:45] <azurelunatic> And I'm 12, very invested, and then she discovers this WONDEROUS BOOK THAT CONTAINS ALL THE LESSONS THAT SHE WILL NEED TO SOLVE HER PROBLEMS, and of course I'm very curious what it is, and then it never says and I become furious.
[22:45] <shati> i liked the girl who owned a city when i was a young girl who knew nothing of ayn rand
[22:46] <azurelunatic> I re-read it as a 20-something, and fly into a pagan-agnostic rage, because clearly it's the Bible.
[22:46] <shati> ...IT IS?
[22:46] <strixus> oh god
[22:46] <azurelunatic> AND NOW I LEARN THAT IT IS AYN RAND WHICH IS WORSE
( In which alternate books are suggested and discussed. )


All this talk of books results in yet another cracky title that gets dropped into my NaNo to get it out of my head:

[23:12] <azurelunatic> so there's "The Dangerous Book for Boys", and "The Daring Book for Girls" --
[23:12] <azurelunatic> They were hanging out in Chad's room again, Max sprawled out on Chad's bed, and Chad kicked back in the desk chair reading "The Poorly-Behaved Book for Tiny Psychopaths".
[23:13] <alexseanchai> hee
[23:13] <Chokolatte-1955> lol

Locate something that changed your life (preferably for the better) and share the best/most important part of it. Talk about why.

This quote is from Cyteen, by C.J. Cherryh. ( A brief glossary. )

He said sometimes when you're young you have to think about things, because you're forming your value-sets and you keep coming up with Data Insufficient and finding holes in your programs. So you keep trying to do a fix on your sets. And the more powerful your mind is and the more intense your concentration is, the worse damage you can do to yourself, which is why, Justin says, Alphas always have trouble and some of them go way off and out-there, and why almost all Alphas are eccentric. But he says the best thing you can do if you're too bright for your own good is what the Testers do, be aware where you got which idea, keep a tab on everything, know how your ideas link up with each other and with your deep-sets and value-sets, so when you're forty or fifty or a hundred forty and you find something that doesn't work, you can still find all the threads and pull them.

But that's not real easy unless you know what your value-sets are, and most CITs don't. CITs have a trouble with not wanting to know that kind of thing. Because some of them are real eetee once you get to thinking about how they link. Especially about sex and ego-nets.

Justin says inflexibility is a trap and most Alpha types are inward-turned because they process so fast they're gone and thinking before a Gamma gets a sentence out. Then they get in the habit of thinking they thought of everything, but they don't remember everything stems from input. You may have a new idea, but it stems from input somebody gave you, and that could be wrong or your senses could have been lying to you. He says it can be an equipment-quality problem or a program-quality problem, but once an Alpha takes a falsehood for true, it's a personal problem.

This was important for me because I was about fifteen when I read this book for the first time, and dealing firsthand with the problems of being too smart for my own good and undersocialized. I started trying to trace back where I got some of my weird ideas from, and became at least marginally more aware of what I was putting in my head. While it did not solve all my problems, it provided a good solid basis to start from, and was very helpful as a common set of vocabulary when iroshi started me rewiring my brain into something functional, thank-you-very-much, after the mess of it that was left in the aftermaths of Shawn and BJ.

(The icon would probably be appreciated by any number of the book's characters, rather than being commentary on the book itself.)

Finished reading cmpriest's Boneshaker earlier. Now that's an effective use of viewpoint-protagonist-not-telling-us-everything, masterfully done. (I speak, of course, of ( spoiler ) not sharing the full details of ( spoiler ) until the very end. It's not some piddly little detail; it's IMPORTANT, and it's also the sort of thing that one might not allow one's mind to dwell on, and it's also the sort of thing best served up with proof. Read and learn, young writers.)

For those who haven't read Boneshaker, I have a few questions.
1) Do you like alternate histories?
2) Do you like steampunk? Particularly, steampunk of the sort that doesn't try to hide the grime and the fact that the times we're speaking of were horribly racist and their alternate versions would likely not be much better? (I felt that there was a decent balance of not-making-the-modern-reader-cringe-too-badly, showing how it surely would have been based on how it was, and showing that the modern author did not approve. Though I'm not sensitized to these things; YMMV particularly if you are.)
3) Would you like to poke about an alternate Seattle that had become a Gold Rush boomtown? Would you mind it horribly if Seattle got slightly destroyed?
4) What are your thoughts on zombies?
5) Are you willing to accept the premise of the ( Blight )? Without expecting to know its exact chemical nature or why it has the horrid effects it has? (Chemistry folks may have to suspend some serious disbelief.)

Two stories interlock throughout the book. Zeke Wilkes struggles to come of age and redeem the name of his reviled father. Meanwhile, Briar Wilkes fights tooth and nail against any force of man, nature, or the unnatural that gets in her way in order to find her son and keep him from getting his fool self killed ... or worse. The story is framed with an investigative reporter/historian who just wants to know the truth, honest.

One of the other reviews out there sums it up as basically an action movie (steampunk plus zombies) in book form, with some dangling ends, insufficiently explored motivations, and not overmuch suspense due to the interlocking plot threads. I can't disagree, and some more attention to those things would have been nice. Good thing both that other reviewer and I like action movies! I'll be re-reading this one.

(It also leaves the door wide open for a sequel; I would dearly love to hear about the continued adventures of ( spoiler ). And I'm happy to see that my instincts for these things are not leading me false: there seem to be more planned, though I've no idea what they'll actually explore.)

The local Barnes & Noble dug one of their four brand-new, not even shelved yet copies of The Demon's Lexicon out of the back for me (after doubtfully staring at me when I gave the title, inquiring whether it was spelled 'Dem-' or 'Daem-', checking the B section of the YA paperbacks, checking the B section of the YA hardbacks, and pretending not to notice me checking the R section of both just in case), and cheerfully offered that perhaps the author could do a signing there, until I regretfully informed them that sarahtales was actually overseas.

I may wait until JD has departed to begin reading, as he may not take kindly to assorted shrieks. I should also wait until normal daytime hours, as my upstairs neighbors can only be antagonized so much, and I fear this morning's Sausage Incident was enough for one month.

http://community.livejournal.com/dot_bdsm_snark/337530.html -- things that make me cry in IRC.

I am now connecting to IRC from (something).lv.lv.cox, which cracks me up.

http://ringil.cis.ksu.edu/Tolkien/Movie/lotr.mov -- delightful, via idonotlikepeas, here: http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/tolksarc.htm

Told GM that I wasn't sure if I could continue game. I'm an introvert, see. If I wind up in social situations where I have not bonded with those present enough to not consider them People, it's not a restful or relaxing experience for me. (That's vastly oversimplifying it, but it's basically the situation. I don't particularly think it would qualify as social anxiety, because it's not that I fear spending time with them, it's that I know how much of a drain on my resources spending time with them would be, and if I'm going to be doing something social on my weekend, it had better be worth it in terms of drain. Spending time with Darkside is a worthwhile expenditure, and helps recharge me on my days of rest. Game is not restful; I need another day to recover after game.) Game has some friends, but it also has People, and there's nowhere I can go to retreat from that once I'm there. So it's either go or no-go, and I'm thinking it may become no-go.

http://elorie.livejournal.com/1138628.html

Oh god. http://sailorjim.net/wordpress/?p=904

http://s160.photobucket.com/albums/t164/sirbartonslady/macros/?action=view¤t=captainbutthurt.jpg

http://skippyslist.com/2008/06/02/more-monday-morning-do-not-do-this-updates/

Just got finished reading Son of a Witch. It had boykissing! It was enjoyable, and I know there are nuances I'll be still picking up on the third re-read.

lacey demonstrated her new ringtone to me. It has to be heard for the full effect.

In airport, at gate, with fear & loathing. Asking for volunteers for next flight.

• 09:52 Mmmm. BPAL "The Antikythera Mechanism" is worth re-visiting soon. It's a curiously cool bathhouse steam that goes straight through the nose. #
• 14:55 @asloudasmyheart Could have been worse: huntsman. #
• 21:19 Sometimes fantasy has very good reality-mapping. WTF beguilement. mood: cryptic #

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