azurelunatic

There was a tweet out there, featuring a photo of one of those big programmable road signs clearly set up for a concert:

IMAGINE
DRAGONS
PARKING

and commentary:

I'm following this instruction, but simply can't work out how they'd fit their wings and tail in the space. pic.twitter.com/6IhaI8pYxb
— Jon Holmes (@jonholmes1) November 5, 2015

This came up when on the phone, and extensive silliness ensued.

silveradept pointed out that dragons can bend, and would have their wings folded up and probably their necks raised and tails curled.

I asked how that affected take-off.

silveradept said that they'd always thought of dragons as VTOL (Vertical Take-Off and Landing).

And I was like: No, you've got to have enough SIDE room, so like:
Imagine you have a wide dragon in a compact space...
... and two other dragons crammed in, in the spaces next to it...

(at this point we have both dissolved in giggles)

At which point I speculate that in order to achieve VTOL, the dragon is beating its wings like a hummingbird...

silveradept provides helicopter-like sound effects.

Me: Now imagine the noise from a SQUADRON of these...

silveradept [hummingdragon intensifies]

silveradept *decent rendition of the appropriate bits of "Ride of the Valkyries"*

Me: *crying laughing*

...

...

Yup.

Part 4

Don't put anything confidential on any of the internal properties that we've recently acquired that are STILL HOSTED WITH OUR COMPETITOR.

Probably not a good plan to attempt to explain "Sam's Binder" in any detail.

Ought not to send wiki pages as a reply-all to nearly the whole company (well, to an email list containing most of the company) for the sole purpose of shaming some of the guilty parties into updating it. (In my defense, it *worked*.)

Should not attempt to convince the interns I am telepathic.

Should not startle the interns with demonstrations of telepathy, even if not attempting to convince them of anything. (Really, though, her body language was totally clear, the conference tables are wide enough that it's not easy to reach something way over on the other side, she'd been talking about the gluten status of the cakes not five minutes before, the fruit was the only gf option, and she was helpfully labeled. Asking the person on the other side of the table to pass her the fruit, by name, was the obvious thing to do.)

Denying telepathy to the interns, and then turning around and claiming telepathy to the manager, is a pathetic dodge and I should be ashamed of myself.

The point about the lowest actual usable portion of the rolling whiteboard partitions was obvious once pointed out. Sticking a whiteboard marker between foot and sandal, and attempting to actually use the space, is gratuitous and frankly not entirely hygienic from the marker's point of view (let alone the other people who get to test out the beta setup). Plus my footwriting isn't very good anymore.

Not allowed to act on any stupid workplace crushes.

Easter candy does have a shelf life which should not be exceeded. Anything beyond a year is pushing it.

"Maybe you're tired because it's a time of day!" would be a more helpful suggestion if the actual time, instead of a placeholder, were used.

Not allowed to create test appointments on someone else's calendar to go off at fuck o'clock at night and wake them up.

The phrase "BECAUSE [THEY ARE] A NITWIT AND A TROUBLEMAKER" bodes ill in any variety of job interview.

Not allowed to say "online webinar", ever.

Okay, not allowed to say it unless Spider-Man starts holding offline webinars in a context relevant to our business.

Lurking in someone's cube with your smartphone like Anthea is only fun for the first ten minutes.

Encouraged to memorize co-workers' faces, lest the surprise new co-worker incident re-occur.

Ariane Emory is often a poor role model for professional conduct.

Not allowed to set Catering on fire with the power of my mind.

Not allowed to set any other department on fire with the power of my mind.

Allowed to attempt to do this, but must stop before I suffer any injury as a result, or if any of my co-workers become alarmed.

Not allowed to microwave the telephone.

Not allowed to set ringtone to the theme from "Flood".

"Bug report: running too fast" is not the most effective title for a ticket requesting an exterminator visit.

Yes, it is possible to do any number of other things while dialed in to the conference on mute. I should nonetheless exercise restraint.

Yes, it is possible to handle any number of work functions from my cellphone while still in bed. No, it is not necessary to share this fact with customers.

Even when the customer remarks on the earliness of the hour in my time zone.

Not allowed to read jwz's essay on message threading while in any meeting.

Not allowed to email any customer from my real gmail account.

Not allowed to include any prescription or otherwise non-over-the-counter substances in my meeting bag for sharing, even if several of the managers could use sedatives.

Just because that other manager might need ADHD drugs is no reason to include strong stimulants, either.

Ought not to taunt the interns by flaunting the ten color highlighter pack at them.

Allowed to surprise the interns by ordering them highlighters and markers.

Not allowed to tamper with any manager's slide deck.

Not allowed to debate the difference between "mature humor" and "immature humor" with the helpdesk.

Part 6

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
8	9	10	11	12	13	14
15	16	17	18	19	20	21
22	23	24	25	26	27	28
29	30

|

Entries tagged with silver lining

Expand Cut Tags

Imagine Dragons Parking: probably VTOL.

Things Azz is not allowed to do as a virtual minion, part 5

Profile

June 2025

Links

Most Popular Tags

Page Summary

Active Entries

Syndicate

Style Credit