A friend's mother sent this article to her. It's filled with all sorts of those little things that some women like to think apply to all women. In reality, women vary; I'm probably about to do a near polar-opposite of my friend's deconstruction of the article.
(Of course, "my man" in this case is my dear somewhat-platonic partner; this is not just any generic man. I should do this for $MAN at some point.)
1) My best friend knows everything. She knows all of your vitals -- from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, um, holdings -- and she knows how both compare with those of every other man I've ever dated. I have done a hand-comparison measurement so I can divulge size and girth with a high level of accuracy. When my friend smirks at you knowingly, you are not imagining it. She knows. So just know that she knows, and deal with it. (It's not going to change.) Ask her about me, or chat with her about our relationship, at your own risk. She will tell me. Even -- in fact, especially -- if she promises not to. This is not always a bad thing (e.g., if you happen to be telling her how much you love me). But, in general, remember that she is my confidante first, and yours never.
Of course I babble incessantly about you to my friends. If the topic comes up, I will burble about your charms at nauseating length. I will probably vent about your weaknesses as well, the ones that really bother me. But anything that I know you've meant me to keep confidential, I will keep so. Like that thing you told me that I think you've never told anyone else. That one. Yeah. Not sharing that. I like having secrets with you. You are my best friend, and I will often tell you things about my chick-friends, and if some female acquaintance of yours tells me things about you behind your back, I do not feel myself bound by any female confidentiality contract, because you are my best friend, and some of those bitches don't get that.
I'm aware that you're friends with both my virtual big sisters, and my virtual big brother. This is a good thing. I trust them to keep silent anything you've told them in confidence, just as they'd do for me, and I'd do for them. I'd like you to be comfortable enough with me to tell me everything, but I'm glad you have them as well, and I'm glad we're enough alike that we can be friends with the same people. If you want to know something about me, or get their take on our relationship, they're the best people to be asking, because they know you, they know me, and they already know most of the details because I've been overflowing to them, or crying on their shoulders.
(Response for $MALE: I probably haven't gotten to know you very well yet. Just because we may be dating does not yet mean that I know you as I know my friends. Since my friends are my friends, I will tell them things that I might not dream of telling you until you have been part of my party long enough for me to trust you as I do them, until you earn that same level of trust. If you ask them about me, be aware that they are my friends, and may not be yours, and so will probably tell me that you've been inquiring, and what you've been asking, and their opinion of you. )
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(Of course, "my man" in this case is my dear somewhat-platonic partner; this is not just any generic man. I should do this for $MAN at some point.)
1) My best friend knows everything. She knows all of your vitals -- from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, um, holdings -- and she knows how both compare with those of every other man I've ever dated. I have done a hand-comparison measurement so I can divulge size and girth with a high level of accuracy. When my friend smirks at you knowingly, you are not imagining it. She knows. So just know that she knows, and deal with it. (It's not going to change.) Ask her about me, or chat with her about our relationship, at your own risk. She will tell me. Even -- in fact, especially -- if she promises not to. This is not always a bad thing (e.g., if you happen to be telling her how much you love me). But, in general, remember that she is my confidante first, and yours never.
Of course I babble incessantly about you to my friends. If the topic comes up, I will burble about your charms at nauseating length. I will probably vent about your weaknesses as well, the ones that really bother me. But anything that I know you've meant me to keep confidential, I will keep so. Like that thing you told me that I think you've never told anyone else. That one. Yeah. Not sharing that. I like having secrets with you. You are my best friend, and I will often tell you things about my chick-friends, and if some female acquaintance of yours tells me things about you behind your back, I do not feel myself bound by any female confidentiality contract, because you are my best friend, and some of those bitches don't get that.
I'm aware that you're friends with both my virtual big sisters, and my virtual big brother. This is a good thing. I trust them to keep silent anything you've told them in confidence, just as they'd do for me, and I'd do for them. I'd like you to be comfortable enough with me to tell me everything, but I'm glad you have them as well, and I'm glad we're enough alike that we can be friends with the same people. If you want to know something about me, or get their take on our relationship, they're the best people to be asking, because they know you, they know me, and they already know most of the details because I've been overflowing to them, or crying on their shoulders.
(Response for $MALE: I probably haven't gotten to know you very well yet. Just because we may be dating does not yet mean that I know you as I know my friends. Since my friends are my friends, I will tell them things that I might not dream of telling you until you have been part of my party long enough for me to trust you as I do them, until you earn that same level of trust. If you ask them about me, be aware that they are my friends, and may not be yours, and so will probably tell me that you've been inquiring, and what you've been asking, and their opinion of you. )
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