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Apr. 28th, 2002
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
Week of April 25, 2002
In the Middle Ages, the Catholic Church branded cats as "ambassadors of the devil" and called for their mass extermination. The virtual disappearance of felines from Europe was an important factor in propagating the Black Death, which killed 25 million people between 1347 and 1352. The disease was spread by fleas that lived on rats, whose populations had soared in the absence of their natural predators. Moral of the story, for you and me and all of us: Be careful whom you demonize. Of course I don't mean to imply that your creeping urge to create enemies would be anywhere near as dangerous as the example I cited. But why stir up any unnecessary karma at all?
Hmm. Bears thinking about. After a rose is snipped of its thorns, is it still a rose?
Repercussions of this should be bouncing about for weeks, if not years. Hopefully... well, I'm sworn to Do The Right Thing.
I need my monday morning gossip with Darkside, I really do.
Dead in the water
Apr. 28th, 2002 04:05 am...It would probably be a damn dumb idea to make Joanie dual-boot, or septuple boot, religiously.
Though it's an interesting idea. Install a different religious operating system with each of the major world religions...
I'd go nuts. They'd argue and clamour and gods help us if we tried to decide on a main front personality.
---Literally, that. Plurally.
Adam can see how someone who was raised without religious guidance could have come to my religious conclusions, and sees furthermore that my religious operating system, my worldviews, are sane and compatible with his on a day to day roommate basis. Glad to be told this.
Somewhere deep inside me is mourning for what could have been. I suppose I'm not doing this yet because it's not yet manifested?
If this is a test of me, I swear to gods I'm going to be so angry. I don't think Adam would stoop so low as to test my loyalty to him, though, by having him break up with me to see how I'd react. He was genuinely upset when we came in. He'd been that way for some time.
"For his own good" doesn't always mean "making him cry his eyes out," dear girl.
Must talk with Darkside at length on Monday.
The white candles burned all the way out. I made sure. I kept quasi-wakeful/sleeping vigil by them on the couch through last night. The shavings of the red were burned away, purified, by the white candles.
I'm your firestarted/ Twisted firestarter...
Extraordinary focus.
Tomorrow, the blue candle, and the white ones. The polishing; the armoring.
Though it's an interesting idea. Install a different religious operating system with each of the major world religions...
I'd go nuts. They'd argue and clamour and gods help us if we tried to decide on a main front personality.
---Literally, that. Plurally.
Adam can see how someone who was raised without religious guidance could have come to my religious conclusions, and sees furthermore that my religious operating system, my worldviews, are sane and compatible with his on a day to day roommate basis. Glad to be told this.
Somewhere deep inside me is mourning for what could have been. I suppose I'm not doing this yet because it's not yet manifested?
If this is a test of me, I swear to gods I'm going to be so angry. I don't think Adam would stoop so low as to test my loyalty to him, though, by having him break up with me to see how I'd react. He was genuinely upset when we came in. He'd been that way for some time.
"For his own good" doesn't always mean "making him cry his eyes out," dear girl.
Must talk with Darkside at length on Monday.
The white candles burned all the way out. I made sure. I kept quasi-wakeful/sleeping vigil by them on the couch through last night. The shavings of the red were burned away, purified, by the white candles.
I'm your firestarted/ Twisted firestarter...
Extraordinary focus.
Tomorrow, the blue candle, and the white ones. The polishing; the armoring.
things we are not--
Apr. 28th, 2002 04:08 amDarkside is not 'deer', nor is he 'moose'.
To set the record straight.
He is, however, the man I would follow to ends of universe if he asked, or stay in one place, if he asked.
Hold my mutant heart well and safely, best friend.
To set the record straight.
He is, however, the man I would follow to ends of universe if he asked, or stay in one place, if he asked.
Hold my mutant heart well and safely, best friend.
Ah well...
Apr. 28th, 2002 04:27 amAt least we had some good goodbye fun this morning.
I love you, still.
I love you, still.
Fly on the wall
Apr. 28th, 2002 04:44 amIt is a bit of a cheap trick though, trying to hand me off to Darkside so that you could break up with me smoothly. (The things we learn about after the fact...)
But Darkside was uncooperative.
I want to be the fly on the wall when Adam butts heads with Darkside and tries to tell Darkside that Darkside should date me.
But Darkside was uncooperative.
I want to be the fly on the wall when Adam butts heads with Darkside and tries to tell Darkside that Darkside should date me.
Sleep, etc.
Apr. 28th, 2002 12:25 pmStill with the allergies. Not at all fun. Developed a sore throat last night. Sublimation? Staying up late eating orange salt substrate snack puffs? Lovely book.
Darkside sounds as if he is going to be laying the smackdown upon me come Monday. This is part of the natural order of things. He often gets upset when I do things that might rock the boat.
...His concern for me is touching.
Darkside sounds as if he is going to be laying the smackdown upon me come Monday. This is part of the natural order of things. He often gets upset when I do things that might rock the boat.
...His concern for me is touching.
Virginity: Monistic and Dualistic
Apr. 28th, 2002 01:52 pmWhere is the line drawn for losing virginity?
Some people, it's having sex, the standard penis + vagina routine. Other people, it's oral sex. Or 69. Others-- sharing orgasms.
"But I have shared a thousand times but am a virgin still..."
Some people define it as in the mind. The body is ephemeral. The spirit is immortal.
Religions with a dualistic view hold that the physical world and the spiritual world are separate. Monists hold that they are one and the same. Wicca is a traditionally monistic faith; Christianity, dualistic.
I'm not entirely sure where to place myself. My father was liberal with conservative values; my mother, conservative, with liberal values. It's a matter of choosing camera angles. Shall I view everything holistically, or micromanage it apart into layers that are simpler to deal with?
In the dualistic tradition of things, it does not matter what the physical body does as long as the mind is kept pure. The spirit must prevail over the physical urges; likewise, if the body is shared with others but the spirit is not, the important part is maintained. The idea is not to let the higher self give in to the lower, base part of oneself.
Monistically, the body and spirit are one whole complete system, where both parts must function as a whole. There must be no artificial divide put between body and spirit. Offenses to the body are offenses directly upon the spirit; spiritual failings show up directly in the body. Body and mind are balanced as one.
( This next will be seriously too much information for some people. )
Some people, it's having sex, the standard penis + vagina routine. Other people, it's oral sex. Or 69. Others-- sharing orgasms.
"But I have shared a thousand times but am a virgin still..."
Some people define it as in the mind. The body is ephemeral. The spirit is immortal.
Religions with a dualistic view hold that the physical world and the spiritual world are separate. Monists hold that they are one and the same. Wicca is a traditionally monistic faith; Christianity, dualistic.
I'm not entirely sure where to place myself. My father was liberal with conservative values; my mother, conservative, with liberal values. It's a matter of choosing camera angles. Shall I view everything holistically, or micromanage it apart into layers that are simpler to deal with?
In the dualistic tradition of things, it does not matter what the physical body does as long as the mind is kept pure. The spirit must prevail over the physical urges; likewise, if the body is shared with others but the spirit is not, the important part is maintained. The idea is not to let the higher self give in to the lower, base part of oneself.
Monistically, the body and spirit are one whole complete system, where both parts must function as a whole. There must be no artificial divide put between body and spirit. Offenses to the body are offenses directly upon the spirit; spiritual failings show up directly in the body. Body and mind are balanced as one.
( This next will be seriously too much information for some people. )
Spiritual-energetic "firsts"
Apr. 28th, 2002 02:01 pmUntil moving to Arizona and going to DeVry, I was almost entirely solo. Anything I did, I did by myself. In younger years, Narcissa and I practiced the usual childhood magics together. We have since parted paths, through distance and diverging interests.
There were a few moments here when there were group works, but that was a student/teacher tutorial fashion, demonstrate, copy, do the same thing together.
There came a moment when two people joined hands and joined powers, without reservation, for the greater good. Never before have I felt something so graceful, inspiring, intimate.
That, I think, was my true loss of virginity.
And what did I do with it? I fell in love.
There were a few moments here when there were group works, but that was a student/teacher tutorial fashion, demonstrate, copy, do the same thing together.
There came a moment when two people joined hands and joined powers, without reservation, for the greater good. Never before have I felt something so graceful, inspiring, intimate.
That, I think, was my true loss of virginity.
And what did I do with it? I fell in love.
Depression.
Apr. 28th, 2002 03:12 pmI have this problem with it, you see. Every now and then it attacks, and I have to beat it off of me with sticks.
If I have the energy.
Exploring the bond, we found (again) the banana Runt-shaped structure in my mind that reflects and governs my emotions. The bolts were loose.
While he strung his energy around it to keep it up, I tightened the bolts. He let go of it, and it's still up.
I trust him to not abuse the shell of me he borrows. He has a near-complete voodoo doll of me in his head... and I can tell that he cherishes her/me a lot. Talks to her.
If I have the energy.
Exploring the bond, we found (again) the banana Runt-shaped structure in my mind that reflects and governs my emotions. The bolts were loose.
While he strung his energy around it to keep it up, I tightened the bolts. He let go of it, and it's still up.
I trust him to not abuse the shell of me he borrows. He has a near-complete voodoo doll of me in his head... and I can tell that he cherishes her/me a lot. Talks to her.
Tried it again. Found it stronger than ever. Almost blown away by the intenisity, yet not, as it is an integral part of both myself and the other party. Like sticking a finger into the high-pressure stream of a focused garden hose, but with the mind.
Prelude to a mental orgasm?
Prelude to a mental orgasm?
[16:40] Iroshi: You have weird mental images.
[16:40] Azure Lunatic: yeah.
[16:40] Azure Lunatic: That visualization came to me when I was drunk, first, by the way.
[16:40] Iroshi: hehehe
[16:40] Azure Lunatic: Eighteen, drunk for the first time, and drunk off my ass
[16:40] Iroshi: A banana in your brain. It suits you, though.
[16:40] Azure Lunatic: depressed as hell
[16:41] Azure Lunatic: finding, much to my surprise, that the alcohol had lifted my depression; that was the image that came to me then.
[16:42] Azure Lunatic: Amazingly, I did not become an alcoholic after this; possibly this was due to the fact that I took notes on the evening while I was getting progressively drunker
[16:42] Azure Lunatic: and then read them the next morning.
[16:42] Iroshi: hehehe...were they bad?
[16:43] Azure Lunatic: You could tell how drunk I was by the logic and by the handwriting.
[16:44] Azure Lunatic: Both...suffered.
[16:44] Iroshi: I'll bet.
[16:44] Iroshi: I'm always amazed at how little people think alcohol affects them. I notice the effect it has on me, even if it's a slight shift in my equilibrium from one drink.
[16:45] Iroshi: I've started to wonder, lately, if it's not that alcohol affects me more than most people, but rather that I >>admit<< to each little effect it has on me, rather than claiming to be perfectly in control and fine.
[16:45] Azure Lunatic: One of my most treasured memories of the night is the snapshot of me, completely naked except for boots, walking to the outhouse in the middle of the night, wind blowing, me weaving around and not *quite* falling over, and just thinking it funny as hell.
[16:46] Iroshi: //snicker//
[16:46] Azure Lunatic: There is snow on the ground at this point, but it is a relatively warm wind.
[16:46] Iroshi: Yeah, if I had let somebody take a photo of me naked, that would certainly convince me not to get that fucking drunk again! :D
[16:46] Azure Lunatic: that is, being somewhat above zero but below freezing.
[16:46] Azure Lunatic: Mental snapshot only, alas.
[16:47] Iroshi: Ohhhhhhh, gotcha
Oddly enough, I had a discussion with Adam last night on drunkenness, and why he's never or rarely seen me exceptionally drunk.
I don't get drunk enough to lose control, for the most part. I may get a little buzzed, a little tipsy, drunk enough so that I may lose some control over my words, but I've never gotten drunk enough to be throwing up or needing to pass out or fall asleep. I have control issues with my body.
If I need to be sober, I want to be able to focus my mind enough to overcome any drugs in my system. I want to remember things that happen to me. My English teacher tells me that she and I had a discussion about a research paper on witchcraft. I must have been on benadryl at this point, becuase I have no solid memory of it. I dislike that.
If there's need of me to deal with a situation, I want to be sober enough to deal with that situation. No spellcasting while drunk. No driving while drunk. Some Practitioners, their powers are the first thing to go while getting drunk. Other Practitioners have the power available to them enhanced (and control of that power decreased, which is dangerous). With me -- well, the maintainance level of energy I keep in my body is sufficient to play merry hell with electronic devices and occasionally other people. Getting drunk, for me, is not always a wise idea. I hit on people I might not have.
Adam was surprised that I'd never drank to the point where you stop drinking, yet you still keep getting more and more drunk. This is why it takes me an hour to go through a glass of wine... I know my lower limits, and am content to stay there.
Ten Foot Pole
Apr. 28th, 2002 08:37 pmhttp://www.touchngo.com/lglcntr/akstats/Statutes/Title47/Chapter10/Section011.htm
http://www.touchngo.com/lglcntr/akstats/Statutes/Title47/Chapter10/Section088.htm
Basically, a friend may or may or may not be in deep shit, depending on the accuracy of her information. I don't know her well enough to know whether she's bullshitting me, or capable of bullshitting me, the way some other people have in the past.
If her story jives, her mother's emotionally abusive now, has been physically abusive in the past, and her life and mind are in danger between now and her 18th birthday next March.
Evidently, she can't get protection from the child protective agencies until every three year old in danger from parents is safe. Seventeen year old girls are not high on the priority list for protection.
Advice?
http://www.touchngo.com/lglcntr/akstats/Statutes/Title47/Chapter10/Section088.htm
Basically, a friend may or may or may not be in deep shit, depending on the accuracy of her information. I don't know her well enough to know whether she's bullshitting me, or capable of bullshitting me, the way some other people have in the past.
If her story jives, her mother's emotionally abusive now, has been physically abusive in the past, and her life and mind are in danger between now and her 18th birthday next March.
Evidently, she can't get protection from the child protective agencies until every three year old in danger from parents is safe. Seventeen year old girls are not high on the priority list for protection.
Advice?
Adam Update
Apr. 28th, 2002 08:40 pmEvidently, the sort of person that Adam was, and that he's trying to become again, does not get intimate with people unless they are in a defined relationship.
I am more accustomed to leaving my relationships less defined and allowing the level of involvement to proceed from both people's comfort levels, and rules that are defined as we go along.
I have petitioned to become Adam's girlfriend. He and V. still enjoy "friends with benefits" status, even though they are not dating.
I am more accustomed to leaving my relationships less defined and allowing the level of involvement to proceed from both people's comfort levels, and rules that are defined as we go along.
I have petitioned to become Adam's girlfriend. He and V. still enjoy "friends with benefits" status, even though they are not dating.
Whee, having clean clothes for school will be nice.
Tomorrow, school will be fun (that's mandatory) and then I will go and scope out some of the things going on down at the plasma donation place. I think I'm going to check out the place that's advertising "Work Today!" on a banner outside the place. Can't hurt.
If it's a temp type job, I might have a source of income, temporarily...
Tomorrow, school will be fun (that's mandatory) and then I will go and scope out some of the things going on down at the plasma donation place. I think I'm going to check out the place that's advertising "Work Today!" on a banner outside the place. Can't hurt.
If it's a temp type job, I might have a source of income, temporarily...